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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 688828" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I know Lil. I was not being defensive.</p><p></p><p>I am writing all of this <em>to you</em>. I want to give you hope.</p><p></p><p>I know you have a great deal of self-confidence, and you should. You have a great deal of strength, and intelligence, too. Nobody needs to remind you of that. In a million years I would not want you for an adversary. You are enormously kind, but I believe you would be relentless, if you believed in your cause.</p><p></p><p>All of these qualities make it more difficult for you, with your son because all of that strength intelligence and relentless commitment were in the service of that baby and child he was. He was (and is) your cause. As much as Jabber he is the love of your life.</p><p></p><p>Lil. Your heart goes to jelly with your son. The conflict is painful to even read.</p><p></p><p>Lil. You are not opposing him or abandoning him by deciding to oppose <em>his bad behavior to you and Jabber</em> or to take a stand with respect to his handling the consequences of his irresponsibility or bad choices. It is the opposite.</p><p></p><p>In my case it was the conspiracy theories where I found my strength. Remember? How afraid I was, because I thought it was so pathological? I could not accept that my son was such a wingnut. Only with that one thing, was I able to dig in. It turns out that by my digging in about that--not accepting a son off the deep end--was what seemed to have triggered his continually improving decision-making.</p><p></p><p>With that one choice, things changed.</p><p></p><p>Well, he is still treading water, but the power relationship between us changed, which was what he needed to have the constructive part of him, begin to work a little bit better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 688828, member: 18958"] I know Lil. I was not being defensive. I am writing all of this [I]to you[/I]. I want to give you hope. I know you have a great deal of self-confidence, and you should. You have a great deal of strength, and intelligence, too. Nobody needs to remind you of that. In a million years I would not want you for an adversary. You are enormously kind, but I believe you would be relentless, if you believed in your cause. All of these qualities make it more difficult for you, with your son because all of that strength intelligence and relentless commitment were in the service of that baby and child he was. He was (and is) your cause. As much as Jabber he is the love of your life. Lil. Your heart goes to jelly with your son. The conflict is painful to even read. Lil. You are not opposing him or abandoning him by deciding to oppose [I]his bad behavior to you and Jabber[/I] or to take a stand with respect to his handling the consequences of his irresponsibility or bad choices. It is the opposite. In my case it was the conspiracy theories where I found my strength. Remember? How afraid I was, because I thought it was so pathological? I could not accept that my son was such a wingnut. Only with that one thing, was I able to dig in. It turns out that by my digging in about that--not accepting a son off the deep end--was what seemed to have triggered his continually improving decision-making. With that one choice, things changed. Well, he is still treading water, but the power relationship between us changed, which was what he needed to have the constructive part of him, begin to work a little bit better. [/QUOTE]
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