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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 688842" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Lil and Jabber, your feelings for one another, your respect for and consideration of one another as you come through this are beautiful things to witness. </p><p></p><p>So that was one thing I wanted to say. The other was that if you guys go to cyber-Hawaii where we can wear bikinis and be as tall as we like?</p><p></p><p>I want to come, too.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>The thing is that a troubled child can escalate to redline so fast that we never see it coming. Second guessing ourselves after a redline incident prepares us better for the next time, but I think you should not second guess yourselves this time. The consequences have been horrendous and unforeseen. But. The person who took the first wrong action was your son. </p><p></p><p>He disrespected Jabber.</p><p></p><p>How the disrespect occurred matters less than whether Jabber should have allowed it to go unchallenged. Had Jabber cowered, given up the phone, left the house himself...what would he have been teaching his son? </p><p></p><p>However angry son was about what Jabber had or had not done for him lately, Jabber's son entered Jabber's personal space in an abrupt and threatening way. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Lil, you responded to someone earlier in this thread about the weeks and months you spent arranging things so your son could fulfill the obligations of his parole. I remember that time, Lil. You were a miracle worker, and we were all pulling for you and for your son and it looked like you'd done it and then...he walked away. </p><p></p><p>Just...walked away.</p><p></p><p>And there was a whole different, and equally horrifying, set of circumstances. </p><p></p><p>And you fought for him then too, and so did Jabber, and you both believed in him with all your heart.</p><p></p><p>You did well.</p><p></p><p>You do well, every time.</p><p></p><p>There may be help for your son in the Court system. I always tell the story about the mom who offered to bail our son out of jail if we could not afford it. I refused, explaining that I wanted my son to know what he was fooling with. In the years to come, her son would go to prison.</p><p></p><p>Mine did not.</p><p></p><p>Whatever our challenges, we all are required to learn how to navigate our lives. Your son is doing his best that he knows. You are too, and so is Jabber.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>You guys? </p><p></p><p>Don't forget that I want to go to cyber-Hawaii too, okay?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 688842, member: 17461"] Lil and Jabber, your feelings for one another, your respect for and consideration of one another as you come through this are beautiful things to witness. So that was one thing I wanted to say. The other was that if you guys go to cyber-Hawaii where we can wear bikinis and be as tall as we like? I want to come, too. *** The thing is that a troubled child can escalate to redline so fast that we never see it coming. Second guessing ourselves after a redline incident prepares us better for the next time, but I think you should not second guess yourselves this time. The consequences have been horrendous and unforeseen. But. The person who took the first wrong action was your son. He disrespected Jabber. How the disrespect occurred matters less than whether Jabber should have allowed it to go unchallenged. Had Jabber cowered, given up the phone, left the house himself...what would he have been teaching his son? However angry son was about what Jabber had or had not done for him lately, Jabber's son entered Jabber's personal space in an abrupt and threatening way. *** Lil, you responded to someone earlier in this thread about the weeks and months you spent arranging things so your son could fulfill the obligations of his parole. I remember that time, Lil. You were a miracle worker, and we were all pulling for you and for your son and it looked like you'd done it and then...he walked away. Just...walked away. And there was a whole different, and equally horrifying, set of circumstances. And you fought for him then too, and so did Jabber, and you both believed in him with all your heart. You did well. You do well, every time. There may be help for your son in the Court system. I always tell the story about the mom who offered to bail our son out of jail if we could not afford it. I refused, explaining that I wanted my son to know what he was fooling with. In the years to come, her son would go to prison. Mine did not. Whatever our challenges, we all are required to learn how to navigate our lives. Your son is doing his best that he knows. You are too, and so is Jabber. *** You guys? Don't forget that I want to go to cyber-Hawaii too, okay? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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