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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 688993" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Mine too.</p><p>I am dancing <em>on the bar. Tango, of course.</em></p><p></p><p>Before I leave fantasy island, if we are in Jamaica I want Bob Marley.<em> Resurrected.</em></p><p></p><p>OK, Lil. It seems like we are in the same place (again.) Honestly, the only thing I can think to do here, is focus on myself, my absolute tranquility and well-being. At least, what it might look like, from afar.</p><p></p><p>These kids of ours are boys in men's bodies who are trying to grapple with fathoming the elephant, without any real sense beyond parts. The whole of the thing (maturity and character): truth, responsibility, accountability for them are to them only the tail, the tusk and the eye. They cannot grasp (yet) the abstractions of those terms, because an operational definition does not yet exist <em>in them</em>. </p><p></p><p>They are tethered to us, still, as the means to grasp what life requires of them. When I think about it, I think that meal ticket, or ATM, or a place to flop, are not in the main, what they seek. </p><p></p><p>I believe they seek to mature in a healthy way. RN posted to my thread this morning support to not react. She wrote that she thought my son was trying to get it. I was reminded by her comment that I have a choice to stay open, non-judgmental and not afraid. I was reminded that this is the process. And we are in one moment of it. I was reminded that I am developing here, not just him. </p><p></p><p>Cedar wrote a lovely message to you a day or two ago after the disaster where she told you how much joy and admiration she feels to see your's and Jabber's respect for each other, and care, and commitment to respond the best you can. In the midst of disaster and uncertainty, you guys keep on keeping on.</p><p></p><p>Of course it is easy for us to see <em>the exactly right thing to do and what should be done. </em>Because we are on our Fantasy Island Vacation where we only do the right and absolutely most excellent thing every single time with our kids (and everybody else's kid, too.) Don't you know????</p><p></p><p>I am thinking that that is the place I need to create in myself. That place of refuge where I am dancing Tango on the bar; the breeze is mild. And I am free in the moment and supremely confident and safe. And I act in the present, from strength and knowing. Because that is who I am. (uh oh. Panic here. So far from the me, who is here typing.)</p><p></p><p>When I was working at a prison about 7 years ago, and could not stand it, and could hardly get through a day, a co-worker sent me a youtube video: 80 year old competition acrobatic salsa dancer. </p><p></p><p>I would watch that video every time I lost faith that my life would change. Because I was living with the fantasy of returning to Rio to dance professional tango, a dream I had to leave when my son <em>broke my foot.</em></p><p></p><p>Until when my mother died I went back every 2 years to maintain my dance and my resident's visa.</p><p></p><p>So, this is the place I will see myself, now, to feel strong and capable and present. </p><p></p><p>On top of the bar. I am there. And all of you are there too. You are cheering me on. Your beverages of choice in each fist *for some, it is green tea or iced tea. We are all of us happy and content. </p><p></p><p>And together. How great is that!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 688993, member: 18958"] Mine too. I am dancing [I]on the bar. Tango, of course.[/I] Before I leave fantasy island, if we are in Jamaica I want Bob Marley.[I] Resurrected.[/I] OK, Lil. It seems like we are in the same place (again.) Honestly, the only thing I can think to do here, is focus on myself, my absolute tranquility and well-being. At least, what it might look like, from afar. These kids of ours are boys in men's bodies who are trying to grapple with fathoming the elephant, without any real sense beyond parts. The whole of the thing (maturity and character): truth, responsibility, accountability for them are to them only the tail, the tusk and the eye. They cannot grasp (yet) the abstractions of those terms, because an operational definition does not yet exist [I]in them[/I]. They are tethered to us, still, as the means to grasp what life requires of them. When I think about it, I think that meal ticket, or ATM, or a place to flop, are not in the main, what they seek. I believe they seek to mature in a healthy way. RN posted to my thread this morning support to not react. She wrote that she thought my son was trying to get it. I was reminded by her comment that I have a choice to stay open, non-judgmental and not afraid. I was reminded that this is the process. And we are in one moment of it. I was reminded that I am developing here, not just him. Cedar wrote a lovely message to you a day or two ago after the disaster where she told you how much joy and admiration she feels to see your's and Jabber's respect for each other, and care, and commitment to respond the best you can. In the midst of disaster and uncertainty, you guys keep on keeping on. Of course it is easy for us to see [I]the exactly right thing to do and what should be done. [/I]Because we are on our Fantasy Island Vacation where we only do the right and absolutely most excellent thing every single time with our kids (and everybody else's kid, too.) Don't you know???? I am thinking that that is the place I need to create in myself. That place of refuge where I am dancing Tango on the bar; the breeze is mild. And I am free in the moment and supremely confident and safe. And I act in the present, from strength and knowing. Because that is who I am. (uh oh. Panic here. So far from the me, who is here typing.) When I was working at a prison about 7 years ago, and could not stand it, and could hardly get through a day, a co-worker sent me a youtube video: 80 year old competition acrobatic salsa dancer. I would watch that video every time I lost faith that my life would change. Because I was living with the fantasy of returning to Rio to dance professional tango, a dream I had to leave when my son [I]broke my foot.[/I] Until when my mother died I went back every 2 years to maintain my dance and my resident's visa. So, this is the place I will see myself, now, to feel strong and capable and present. On top of the bar. I am there. And all of you are there too. You are cheering me on. Your beverages of choice in each fist *for some, it is green tea or iced tea. We are all of us happy and content. And together. How great is that!! [/QUOTE]
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