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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 689612" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Sometimes I wonder. I mean, he's got NO time here to earn money and he knows it - that's motivation!</p><p></p><p>I wonder if sometimes he's just frozen, like deer-in-the-headlights frozen. There's SO much that he needs to do, SO much he needs to change, but he doesn't believe in himself, he doesn't think he can do it - do any of it - and so instead he does nothing. He needs a job so much, he needs to be adult and stand up and clean up and work and, sure he doesn't <em>want</em> to, but that's only part of it. I think he really doesn't know how to start, even though we tell him, "Take a shower and brush your teeth and put on clean clothes." But his brain says, <em>"That won't be enough. They won't hire me regardless. I can't do it. I can't find a job and get enough money together to make it. Why even try when I'm just going to fail." </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>So he doesn't try. He thinks he'll fail, so he doesn't try. I can't help but think of his biodad. When my son was a newborn, he sat on the couch one day, holding him in his arms, looked down at him and said, "D, your daddy is a failure." I responded, "You aren't a failure. You have to try in order to fail. You don't try." He was so upset with me, lol, not giving him any sympathy...but I was so <em>tired</em> of it, of doing everything and getting nothing back but more debts and now I had a baby and instead of helping he was feeling sorry for himself when he wasn't <em>trying</em>.</p><p></p><p>I really, truly think he needs help. I think he needs help to get over this lack of self-esteem but nothing we do helps. That's why I'm so easy on him, you know. It's why throwing him out again seems so .. counterproductive? How will that help him feel better about himself? How will that make him more confident about his ability to do things? I keep thinking, something will happen that will make him "get it". I had hope with this counselor - who he said considers herself more of a life-coach. He liked her - he really did - but he hasn't gone back even though he said he would. He lied when he said he'd called her...</p><p></p><p>What will it take?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 689612, member: 17309"] Sometimes I wonder. I mean, he's got NO time here to earn money and he knows it - that's motivation! I wonder if sometimes he's just frozen, like deer-in-the-headlights frozen. There's SO much that he needs to do, SO much he needs to change, but he doesn't believe in himself, he doesn't think he can do it - do any of it - and so instead he does nothing. He needs a job so much, he needs to be adult and stand up and clean up and work and, sure he doesn't [I]want[/I] to, but that's only part of it. I think he really doesn't know how to start, even though we tell him, "Take a shower and brush your teeth and put on clean clothes." But his brain says, [I]"That won't be enough. They won't hire me regardless. I can't do it. I can't find a job and get enough money together to make it. Why even try when I'm just going to fail." [/I] So he doesn't try. He thinks he'll fail, so he doesn't try. I can't help but think of his biodad. When my son was a newborn, he sat on the couch one day, holding him in his arms, looked down at him and said, "D, your daddy is a failure." I responded, "You aren't a failure. You have to try in order to fail. You don't try." He was so upset with me, lol, not giving him any sympathy...but I was so [I]tired[/I] of it, of doing everything and getting nothing back but more debts and now I had a baby and instead of helping he was feeling sorry for himself when he wasn't [I]trying[/I]. I really, truly think he needs help. I think he needs help to get over this lack of self-esteem but nothing we do helps. That's why I'm so easy on him, you know. It's why throwing him out again seems so .. counterproductive? How will that help him feel better about himself? How will that make him more confident about his ability to do things? I keep thinking, something will happen that will make him "get it". I had hope with this counselor - who he said considers herself more of a life-coach. He liked her - he really did - but he hasn't gone back even though he said he would. He lied when he said he'd called her... What will it take? [/QUOTE]
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