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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 713568" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Bluebell, I am also so very sorry for what you and your family are experiencing with your difficult adult son.</p><p></p><p>He is no longer the sweet-smelling infant you remember so fondly. He is not the sweet little boy you tucked into bed each night. He is no longer innocent and helpless. He IS still your child and he will always be that. But he is now an adult, and you are no longer responsible for his welfare as you were when he was a minor.</p><p></p><p>My personal opinion is that by bailing our difficult adult (and near-adult) children out of the messes they make, by getting in the way of the natural and logical consequences arising from their poor decisions, and by cushioning their fall with our own bodies, we are enabling them to continue making bad choices.</p><p></p><p>If you've never checked out Al-Anon, I recommend it as it really helped me to realize that my "helping" was actually an effort on my part to control the people in my life and make them do what I wanted. Not saying this is what you are doing, just that this was and is my issue when it comes to my loved ones. It was a real eye opener for me and it has led me to great personal growth as well as relief.</p><p></p><p>My sixteen year old stepson seems to be choosing a life that my wife and I would never have wanted for him. We have no choice but to accept him as he is and then make our decisions from there. I can tell you I will not, knowingly or unknowingly, provide either of my stepsons with money for marijuana, for example.</p><p></p><p>Your son unfortunately sounds like he is also choosing what we might consider the "wrong" lifestyle right now. And so you also have a choice. You can spend the rest of your life, your time, your money, wrapped up in his problems, trying to fix him and make him into someone he isn't at this point in his life. Or you can take care of yourself, love him, and support him as much as you can without endangering your own emotional, physical, and financial health. Al-Anon and Codependents Anonymous both helped me immensely.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 713568, member: 13303"] Bluebell, I am also so very sorry for what you and your family are experiencing with your difficult adult son. He is no longer the sweet-smelling infant you remember so fondly. He is not the sweet little boy you tucked into bed each night. He is no longer innocent and helpless. He IS still your child and he will always be that. But he is now an adult, and you are no longer responsible for his welfare as you were when he was a minor. My personal opinion is that by bailing our difficult adult (and near-adult) children out of the messes they make, by getting in the way of the natural and logical consequences arising from their poor decisions, and by cushioning their fall with our own bodies, we are enabling them to continue making bad choices. If you've never checked out Al-Anon, I recommend it as it really helped me to realize that my "helping" was actually an effort on my part to control the people in my life and make them do what I wanted. Not saying this is what you are doing, just that this was and is my issue when it comes to my loved ones. It was a real eye opener for me and it has led me to great personal growth as well as relief. My sixteen year old stepson seems to be choosing a life that my wife and I would never have wanted for him. We have no choice but to accept him as he is and then make our decisions from there. I can tell you I will not, knowingly or unknowingly, provide either of my stepsons with money for marijuana, for example. Your son unfortunately sounds like he is also choosing what we might consider the "wrong" lifestyle right now. And so you also have a choice. You can spend the rest of your life, your time, your money, wrapped up in his problems, trying to fix him and make him into someone he isn't at this point in his life. Or you can take care of yourself, love him, and support him as much as you can without endangering your own emotional, physical, and financial health. Al-Anon and Codependents Anonymous both helped me immensely. [/QUOTE]
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