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I hate my success
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 713650" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Please stop feeling bad for having become successful!!! Do NOT punish your daughter for your son's mistakes. Let him be him, and let him live with the consequences of his own actions, and yes I do know how dang hard and painful that is for a parent.</p><p></p><p>Those other parents are not your problem. Your son simply isn't rational and nothing he says makes any sense. What he says may hurt, and I am absolutely sure it does. It is designed to hurt and to make you do what he wants. It also doesn't mean anything because it is the rambling nonsense of someone who's brain is pickled by drugs. They simply cannot make sense because they are not in their right minds. You are talking to the drugs, not your son. The drugs are trying to get you to give up money or whatever it is that will make it easier to get more drugs with as little work as possible. </p><p></p><p>It is time to start treating your kids differently because they are absolutely and completely different. Your easy kid is rational and human and your kid. She is the sweet, loving kid you raised with the values and morals that you taught her. Your difficult kid has been overtaken by drugs and until he is ready, you are not ever going to talk to him again. You are only going to talk to the drugs. The only thing on his mind will be how to get more drugs or out of whatever trouble the drugs got him into. ANYTHING you do for him or give to him will support this goal. </p><p></p><p>I would tell him that I love him, but contact will be minimal and support of a financial nature will be a few dollars on the holidays/birthdays (if you are comfortable with that, thinking maybe $20 or $50 as a gift if he is in jail on his books to let him know he isn't forgotten totally). I would say that it is because you want to be like the parents that he admires, those of the kids he wants to hang around with. I would probably send cards periodically with encouraging sentiments just because he was my kid, unless he got too ugly. I would not let him live with me or otherwise support him as he is using.</p><p></p><p>Invest your time and money in a good counselor who deals with drugs and alcohol. The first time one tells you to stay in contact or try to give something to your son, go find a new counselor (yes I am serious). Make sure the therapist supports you on this, and there are therapists out there who will be very supportive of this. I know some who would recommend this very strongly. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE do not punish easy daughter for the things your son has done. That is just punishing her for something she has not done. I was the easy kid with the difficult brother and my parents did this. A LOT. It really confused me. To this day there are times they do this. I understand it more now and it bothers me less, but as a kid it really messed me up. It made me feel that no matter what I did, how good I was, nothing was good enough. My parents cleaned up his messes and still gave him nice things. I never had messes and couldn't have nice things. It made me feel less than my brother was, less loved than he was. I know this was not true, but that is how it made me feel. Please don't make your daughter feel this way, she does not deserve it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 713650, member: 1233"] Please stop feeling bad for having become successful!!! Do NOT punish your daughter for your son's mistakes. Let him be him, and let him live with the consequences of his own actions, and yes I do know how dang hard and painful that is for a parent. Those other parents are not your problem. Your son simply isn't rational and nothing he says makes any sense. What he says may hurt, and I am absolutely sure it does. It is designed to hurt and to make you do what he wants. It also doesn't mean anything because it is the rambling nonsense of someone who's brain is pickled by drugs. They simply cannot make sense because they are not in their right minds. You are talking to the drugs, not your son. The drugs are trying to get you to give up money or whatever it is that will make it easier to get more drugs with as little work as possible. It is time to start treating your kids differently because they are absolutely and completely different. Your easy kid is rational and human and your kid. She is the sweet, loving kid you raised with the values and morals that you taught her. Your difficult kid has been overtaken by drugs and until he is ready, you are not ever going to talk to him again. You are only going to talk to the drugs. The only thing on his mind will be how to get more drugs or out of whatever trouble the drugs got him into. ANYTHING you do for him or give to him will support this goal. I would tell him that I love him, but contact will be minimal and support of a financial nature will be a few dollars on the holidays/birthdays (if you are comfortable with that, thinking maybe $20 or $50 as a gift if he is in jail on his books to let him know he isn't forgotten totally). I would say that it is because you want to be like the parents that he admires, those of the kids he wants to hang around with. I would probably send cards periodically with encouraging sentiments just because he was my kid, unless he got too ugly. I would not let him live with me or otherwise support him as he is using. Invest your time and money in a good counselor who deals with drugs and alcohol. The first time one tells you to stay in contact or try to give something to your son, go find a new counselor (yes I am serious). Make sure the therapist supports you on this, and there are therapists out there who will be very supportive of this. I know some who would recommend this very strongly. PLEASE do not punish easy daughter for the things your son has done. That is just punishing her for something she has not done. I was the easy kid with the difficult brother and my parents did this. A LOT. It really confused me. To this day there are times they do this. I understand it more now and it bothers me less, but as a kid it really messed me up. It made me feel that no matter what I did, how good I was, nothing was good enough. My parents cleaned up his messes and still gave him nice things. I never had messes and couldn't have nice things. It made me feel less than my brother was, less loved than he was. I know this was not true, but that is how it made me feel. Please don't make your daughter feel this way, she does not deserve it. [/QUOTE]
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