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I have to let go..
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<blockquote data-quote="Not Unique" data-source="post: 764194" data-attributes="member: 30477"><p>Hi dragonfly: I don’t post often, because I feel I am not full of good advice. I have been a receiver of so many wise folks on this forum, though. I check in often to see posts. My heart really goes out to you reading this post this morning. I am sitting at a coffee shop trying to have some “me time”. I am identifying with everything you said about your daughter. I have a 30-year-old son who has bipolar one/schizo affective/borderline personality disorder. These are some of the more usual diagnoses from the many professionals he has seen. My son, since he was 17, has been in more psychiatric units, jails, and homeless situations than I care to count. He got out of jail in June and begged to come across the country to live with us again. Pleading to me that he was mentally ill and could not help everything he does. My heart was so broken when I had to tell him no I could not live with him. we did provide funds for him to go to sober living, one of the many vices he uses for distracting himself is crystal meth, and compulsive, gambling and cyber stalking innocent women. He actually had 10 weeks of following the rules of the house and staying relatively well with taking his medications and staying out of trouble. He certainly wasn’t interested in doing any type of 12 step program/therapeutic/getting a job, but at least he was somewhat stable. Now we get the call that he has decided to move out of the sober house and move in with one of his childhood friends who has been his constant gambling companion, and the two of them are like two dead batteries trying to start a car. We told him he gets no money from us for rent if he’s living with his friend only if he’s living in a sober environment. he said he’s doing well so he doesn’t need our money right now. Well, like you said, I am just waiting for the phone to ring yet again and the begging and pleading about how he’s eating from dumpsters and has nowhere to go because his friend threw them out. This situation has repeated itself for years now. My heart is in my throat , and I just ran into a lovely couple that my son went to school with their son when he was young, and they asked how my son was doing. I can’t tell you how it breaks my heart to have to be somewhat vague, and just tell them he struggles. It’s just a nightmare, over and over again. But a nightmare that I have been able to get through When I handle it just a day at a time. And I mean that. For me, I can’t focus on what he did, or what he might do incessantly because that leads me to despair. I keep telling myself stay in the moment and ask God for help. That’s the most I can do. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with hearts :smiling_face_with_3_hearts:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f970.png" data-shortname=":smiling_face_with_3_hearts:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Not Unique, post: 764194, member: 30477"] Hi dragonfly: I don’t post often, because I feel I am not full of good advice. I have been a receiver of so many wise folks on this forum, though. I check in often to see posts. My heart really goes out to you reading this post this morning. I am sitting at a coffee shop trying to have some “me time”. I am identifying with everything you said about your daughter. I have a 30-year-old son who has bipolar one/schizo affective/borderline personality disorder. These are some of the more usual diagnoses from the many professionals he has seen. My son, since he was 17, has been in more psychiatric units, jails, and homeless situations than I care to count. He got out of jail in June and begged to come across the country to live with us again. Pleading to me that he was mentally ill and could not help everything he does. My heart was so broken when I had to tell him no I could not live with him. we did provide funds for him to go to sober living, one of the many vices he uses for distracting himself is crystal meth, and compulsive, gambling and cyber stalking innocent women. He actually had 10 weeks of following the rules of the house and staying relatively well with taking his medications and staying out of trouble. He certainly wasn’t interested in doing any type of 12 step program/therapeutic/getting a job, but at least he was somewhat stable. Now we get the call that he has decided to move out of the sober house and move in with one of his childhood friends who has been his constant gambling companion, and the two of them are like two dead batteries trying to start a car. We told him he gets no money from us for rent if he’s living with his friend only if he’s living in a sober environment. he said he’s doing well so he doesn’t need our money right now. Well, like you said, I am just waiting for the phone to ring yet again and the begging and pleading about how he’s eating from dumpsters and has nowhere to go because his friend threw them out. This situation has repeated itself for years now. My heart is in my throat , and I just ran into a lovely couple that my son went to school with their son when he was young, and they asked how my son was doing. I can’t tell you how it breaks my heart to have to be somewhat vague, and just tell them he struggles. It’s just a nightmare, over and over again. But a nightmare that I have been able to get through When I handle it just a day at a time. And I mean that. For me, I can’t focus on what he did, or what he might do incessantly because that leads me to despair. I keep telling myself stay in the moment and ask God for help. That’s the most I can do. 🥰 [/QUOTE]
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