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I have to let go..
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 764196" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Welcome and hugs. It was heart wrenching reading your story, Dragonfly. The addiction part...methodone...and the horrible toll it has taken is particular heartbreaking.</p><p>A lot of your words resonate with me and with other stories I have read here. Sadly. The lack of insight, the commitment to their own victimhood, the lack of responsibility, accountability and complete lack of self awareness. WOW. That sums up our daughter in sooo many ways.</p><p></p><p>And ironically, our daughter is also bright and resourceful. It's mindboggling to know this.</p><p></p><p>I recall going through that "scares me this will never end" "phase." I say "phase" because I don't know how to put it exactly and eventually I got some peace with this thought. It was a realization that there may not be much hope. BUT, of course, we hope for the best because we are their parent (s).</p><p></p><p>Detachment and setting boundaries are the only ways to save OUR sanity. For you, there is hope. For us, there is hope. And your daughter will have to honestly and sincerely chose to make a change for there to be real hope for her. Sadly, you can't do this for her.</p><p></p><p>Your use of the words "misery threshold" were powerful. What will it take? What is rock bottom? I don't know. Our daughter has lost sooo much. Each living arrangement she finds for herself is more and more limited and she has been extraordinarily near homeless a few times now. She seems to be kind of / sort of getting it...I kind of / sort of think a teeny bit is sinking in. But, she repeats bad decisions a LOT, so I can't count on it. Someone once said, everything she touches turns to "blank." I started to argue...and then thought about it and had to be quiet.</p><p></p><p>In our case, and each case is different... we have become comfortable with our daughter living in another state. We help her with medical type things and literally pay her to use birth control. I know that sounds weird, but she would not use bc otherwise and well....the consequences of not using it is obvious to most thinking people and in this case, the consequences are extra ...let's just say "problematic." We greatly , big time limit our willingness to help her financially...even if she begs and carries on. We will entertain medical needs. We have boundaries all over the place and it has helped.</p><p></p><p>Also, I suspect we demonstrate the skill of self control for them when we don't give in to their crazy demands.</p><p></p><p>I hope your daughter can get to drug treatment and most of all, finds something within herself that makes her truly want to get better.</p><p></p><p>And I hope you can find for yourself some peace. Please consider at least short term therapy if you haven't tried that yet. This stuff is seriously difficult. And I agree, prayer IS helpful. Also, there are "Anonymous" groups like Families Anonymous that can be of tremendous help. Sending good thoughts...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 764196, member: 4152"] Welcome and hugs. It was heart wrenching reading your story, Dragonfly. The addiction part...methodone...and the horrible toll it has taken is particular heartbreaking. A lot of your words resonate with me and with other stories I have read here. Sadly. The lack of insight, the commitment to their own victimhood, the lack of responsibility, accountability and complete lack of self awareness. WOW. That sums up our daughter in sooo many ways. And ironically, our daughter is also bright and resourceful. It's mindboggling to know this. I recall going through that "scares me this will never end" "phase." I say "phase" because I don't know how to put it exactly and eventually I got some peace with this thought. It was a realization that there may not be much hope. BUT, of course, we hope for the best because we are their parent (s). Detachment and setting boundaries are the only ways to save OUR sanity. For you, there is hope. For us, there is hope. And your daughter will have to honestly and sincerely chose to make a change for there to be real hope for her. Sadly, you can't do this for her. Your use of the words "misery threshold" were powerful. What will it take? What is rock bottom? I don't know. Our daughter has lost sooo much. Each living arrangement she finds for herself is more and more limited and she has been extraordinarily near homeless a few times now. She seems to be kind of / sort of getting it...I kind of / sort of think a teeny bit is sinking in. But, she repeats bad decisions a LOT, so I can't count on it. Someone once said, everything she touches turns to "blank." I started to argue...and then thought about it and had to be quiet. In our case, and each case is different... we have become comfortable with our daughter living in another state. We help her with medical type things and literally pay her to use birth control. I know that sounds weird, but she would not use bc otherwise and well....the consequences of not using it is obvious to most thinking people and in this case, the consequences are extra ...let's just say "problematic." We greatly , big time limit our willingness to help her financially...even if she begs and carries on. We will entertain medical needs. We have boundaries all over the place and it has helped. Also, I suspect we demonstrate the skill of self control for them when we don't give in to their crazy demands. I hope your daughter can get to drug treatment and most of all, finds something within herself that makes her truly want to get better. And I hope you can find for yourself some peace. Please consider at least short term therapy if you haven't tried that yet. This stuff is seriously difficult. And I agree, prayer IS helpful. Also, there are "Anonymous" groups like Families Anonymous that can be of tremendous help. Sending good thoughts... [/QUOTE]
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