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I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 686379" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Tanya. To me, your son's note exemplifies all of our situations and your response, a model, of how I would hope to respond.</p><p></p><p>34 years old is middle aged.</p><p></p><p>With all of the meaning and experience to be found in life, our sons seem to feel sometimes, at least, incapable or unwilling to live as more than lost boys, yearning for a mother to make everything right. How sad for each of us as dealing with adult children unwilling to take responsibility and to accept reality. And for that, they blame us.</p><p></p><p>My knee jerk response to your son and my own would be to hysterically yell into the wind--don't you get it? It is not life that works out <em><strong><u>but you that work it out</u></strong></em>. But it is just this agency that our children resist. They do not want to be the prime movers in their own lives. They want to be blown about. They want to go in circles. They want to hold others responsible.</p><p></p><p>That is what makes me nuts. The pain of it. The frustration.</p><p></p><p>Bravo for you for staying out of it. I always fall in, head first.</p><p></p><p>But finally what I am left with is a sense of your son's cruelty. Yes. If he is 34 you are in your mid fifties or more. I am older. These sons of ours. Is there not even a crumb of compassion for us-- instead of trying to expose or humiliate or make suffer their aging or already old mothers--whether consciously or not? Did your son even for a second think of you and how the communication would affect you?</p><p></p><p>I have compassion for our sons, too. But this really underscores the necessity to stay out of these kinds of existential,<em>What's it all about Alfie</em>, breast-beating moments. If the dialog is with G-d, why call your mother?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 686379, member: 18958"] Tanya. To me, your son's note exemplifies all of our situations and your response, a model, of how I would hope to respond. 34 years old is middle aged. With all of the meaning and experience to be found in life, our sons seem to feel sometimes, at least, incapable or unwilling to live as more than lost boys, yearning for a mother to make everything right. How sad for each of us as dealing with adult children unwilling to take responsibility and to accept reality. And for that, they blame us. My knee jerk response to your son and my own would be to hysterically yell into the wind--don't you get it? It is not life that works out [I][B][U]but you that work it out[/U][/B][/I]. But it is just this agency that our children resist. They do not want to be the prime movers in their own lives. They want to be blown about. They want to go in circles. They want to hold others responsible. That is what makes me nuts. The pain of it. The frustration. Bravo for you for staying out of it. I always fall in, head first. But finally what I am left with is a sense of your son's cruelty. Yes. If he is 34 you are in your mid fifties or more. I am older. These sons of ours. Is there not even a crumb of compassion for us-- instead of trying to expose or humiliate or make suffer their aging or already old mothers--whether consciously or not? Did your son even for a second think of you and how the communication would affect you? I have compassion for our sons, too. But this really underscores the necessity to stay out of these kinds of existential,[I]What's it all about Alfie[/I], breast-beating moments. If the dialog is with G-d, why call your mother? [/QUOTE]
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I just got one of those dreaded messages from my son
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