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Substance Abuse
I just needed to write this down somewhere
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<blockquote data-quote="envisablepuppet" data-source="post: 6225" data-attributes="member: 585"><p>Hi Grace</p><p></p><p>I'm another one that can say I truly understand how you feel. Been there and am truly terrified I could find myself there again. Relapse is always possible with an addict so it's always a constant fear for me.</p><p></p><p>Right now my daughter is doing great in most areas. She has turned her life around in such a short amount of time. Less then a year. She says she quit for three reasons. Her boyfriend(an addict himself)who told her he wouldn't have a tweaker for a girlfriend. I really kinda had to laugh at that one because he was and I suspect is still using himself and he was giving her the drugs as well. But whatever works. boyfriend is the biggest problem in her life right now and I can't stand to even look at him. He in no way is trying to better himself and I wish she would wake up and see that.</p><p></p><p>The second thing was something her father said to her. The impact his comment had on her still greatly surprises me. I just think it was the right time and if he had said it at some other point in her life it wouldn't have had the impact it did when he had his last drug chat with her. What he said to her was,Everytime you put that pipe in your mouth I want you to see my face looking at you just the way I'm looking at you right now. Now, I don't know how he was looking at her, but shortly there after she quit and she did say everytime she started to get high she saw that face and she just couldn't do it. :laugh:</p><p></p><p>The third thing was, she said she just got sick of the whole life style. She hated it. That is what needed to happen. She needed to get clean for herself. It's that reason that I hold onto. She wanted to do it for herself and because of that she stands a good chance of staying clean. They say an addict can only change if they want to.</p><p></p><p>She came home, gave herself about a month to clear her head, and then started rebuilding her life. </p><p></p><p>I am a firm believer in unconditional love. She always had that and she always knew it.I did a lot of the things you are doing while still trying not to enable her. I did it mostly for myself. If I just knew she was safe I could make it through one more day. I had my doubts that I was doing the right thing but I had to do it that way to keep my sanity.</p><p></p><p>I guess what I'm trying to tell you in this very long post is this, your son is young. There is still hope and that hope is what makes us do the things we do when dealing with our children with these problems. I just couldn't give up on my child and I'm glad I never did but let me tell ya, I got so very close so many times.</p><p></p><p>I have no advise for you, I just wanted to say I know how you feel and that he may find his own reasons to change. Even my difficult child's best friends had no hope for her and said she would never change. Surprised us all she did. The only advise I will give is just, do what ya gotta do that's all we can do. There is no rule that says we have to just give up on them but we do have to do what we can live with. If that means asking him to leave or allowing him to stay make the choice for you, not necessarily for him.</p><p></p><p>I agree with everyone that says try some meetings. CD was the only place I had to rely on because of the distance factor for me but this place saved me. I made a lot of the choices I made because of the ppl here that were going through the same thing. They helped me not to enable her so much and to just do what I could live with. Thats all anyone really can do. The chocies our difficult child's make are their own, good or bad. All we can do is just try to survive it all.</p><p></p><p>Many huggs to you and I hope you can find something in my post that helps in some way.</p><p></p><p>Lea</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="envisablepuppet, post: 6225, member: 585"] Hi Grace I'm another one that can say I truly understand how you feel. Been there and am truly terrified I could find myself there again. Relapse is always possible with an addict so it's always a constant fear for me. Right now my daughter is doing great in most areas. She has turned her life around in such a short amount of time. Less then a year. She says she quit for three reasons. Her boyfriend(an addict himself)who told her he wouldn't have a tweaker for a girlfriend. I really kinda had to laugh at that one because he was and I suspect is still using himself and he was giving her the drugs as well. But whatever works. boyfriend is the biggest problem in her life right now and I can't stand to even look at him. He in no way is trying to better himself and I wish she would wake up and see that. The second thing was something her father said to her. The impact his comment had on her still greatly surprises me. I just think it was the right time and if he had said it at some other point in her life it wouldn't have had the impact it did when he had his last drug chat with her. What he said to her was,Everytime you put that pipe in your mouth I want you to see my face looking at you just the way I'm looking at you right now. Now, I don't know how he was looking at her, but shortly there after she quit and she did say everytime she started to get high she saw that face and she just couldn't do it. [img]:laugh:[/img] The third thing was, she said she just got sick of the whole life style. She hated it. That is what needed to happen. She needed to get clean for herself. It's that reason that I hold onto. She wanted to do it for herself and because of that she stands a good chance of staying clean. They say an addict can only change if they want to. She came home, gave herself about a month to clear her head, and then started rebuilding her life. I am a firm believer in unconditional love. She always had that and she always knew it.I did a lot of the things you are doing while still trying not to enable her. I did it mostly for myself. If I just knew she was safe I could make it through one more day. I had my doubts that I was doing the right thing but I had to do it that way to keep my sanity. I guess what I'm trying to tell you in this very long post is this, your son is young. There is still hope and that hope is what makes us do the things we do when dealing with our children with these problems. I just couldn't give up on my child and I'm glad I never did but let me tell ya, I got so very close so many times. I have no advise for you, I just wanted to say I know how you feel and that he may find his own reasons to change. Even my difficult child's best friends had no hope for her and said she would never change. Surprised us all she did. The only advise I will give is just, do what ya gotta do that's all we can do. There is no rule that says we have to just give up on them but we do have to do what we can live with. If that means asking him to leave or allowing him to stay make the choice for you, not necessarily for him. I agree with everyone that says try some meetings. CD was the only place I had to rely on because of the distance factor for me but this place saved me. I made a lot of the choices I made because of the ppl here that were going through the same thing. They helped me not to enable her so much and to just do what I could live with. Thats all anyone really can do. The chocies our difficult child's make are their own, good or bad. All we can do is just try to survive it all. Many huggs to you and I hope you can find something in my post that helps in some way. Lea [/QUOTE]
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