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Substance Abuse
I Let the Camel Put His Toe in the Tent - And The Rest You Can Guess
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<blockquote data-quote="Blighty" data-source="post: 715039" data-attributes="member: 21991"><p>I respect your choices with regards to your grandson. I do not know your whole situation or you. You need to be happy with what you do or don't do i can see that. I don't wish to judge whether you are right or wrong to do this. I really hope that it's what he needs and the stepping stone to his success.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what success would look like for you; that he continues to tread water with his addiction (eg not getting any worse, but really not getting better) or this is his last relapse and he makes good and gets sustainable recovery from this point onwards. I'm sure we would all like it to be the latter, but there are no guarantees in this business.</p><p></p><p>i am passionate about not enabling ( or trying not to). I have been an enabler, but i have learned more about my faults as I have gone along and hope not to make the same mistakes again because now i know better. I am passionate about finding truths about enabling so that others can become aware of it's meaning, so please forgive and bear with me for going on a bit.</p><p></p><p>What we do or not do will affect their outcome; this could be good or bad. All actions can have unintended consequences.</p><p></p><p>Detaching from, and stopping enabling, the addict is counter intuitive to our good intention to try to " help", and that reason alone makes it very hard to do.</p><p></p><p>As far as i see it, the main advantage, for us, of standing back and letting them feel the consequences of their actions ( i.e. not enabling them) is that we can truely say that what happened from then on was not because of anything we did by interfering...it is down to their choices. But when we enable, we are directly accountable for what happens after. This may be that we delay them hitting their rock bottom by years and therefore delaying true recovery and new life ( rather than a sham recovery for which they are not really commited) and in a worse case scenario, even cause their death. i do not want to be accountable by interfering any longer.</p><p></p><p>We know that the addict cannot think straight. They can manipulate us to enable them, consciously or unconsciously. Their addict brain also manipulates themselves into getting their fix any way they have to. Even when on the road to recovery. the addict mind can be very persuasive and feel's like they can trust it. "Just one drink won't hurt because you are strong now..." </p><p></p><p>Similarly enablers cannot think straight; they have become traumatised and enmeshed in the whacky situation created by addiction. It would be truely amazing for anybody to come out unscathed by addiction. They can also be prone to the same skewed logic from their own affected brain to justify what they do. What feels very right may in fact be very wrong. As loved ones of addicts, we need to be very aware of this possibiliity if things are going to get better. Enablers need to find recovery for themselves to stop enabling.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blighty, post: 715039, member: 21991"] I respect your choices with regards to your grandson. I do not know your whole situation or you. You need to be happy with what you do or don't do i can see that. I don't wish to judge whether you are right or wrong to do this. I really hope that it's what he needs and the stepping stone to his success. I don't know what success would look like for you; that he continues to tread water with his addiction (eg not getting any worse, but really not getting better) or this is his last relapse and he makes good and gets sustainable recovery from this point onwards. I'm sure we would all like it to be the latter, but there are no guarantees in this business. i am passionate about not enabling ( or trying not to). I have been an enabler, but i have learned more about my faults as I have gone along and hope not to make the same mistakes again because now i know better. I am passionate about finding truths about enabling so that others can become aware of it's meaning, so please forgive and bear with me for going on a bit. What we do or not do will affect their outcome; this could be good or bad. All actions can have unintended consequences. Detaching from, and stopping enabling, the addict is counter intuitive to our good intention to try to " help", and that reason alone makes it very hard to do. As far as i see it, the main advantage, for us, of standing back and letting them feel the consequences of their actions ( i.e. not enabling them) is that we can truely say that what happened from then on was not because of anything we did by interfering...it is down to their choices. But when we enable, we are directly accountable for what happens after. This may be that we delay them hitting their rock bottom by years and therefore delaying true recovery and new life ( rather than a sham recovery for which they are not really commited) and in a worse case scenario, even cause their death. i do not want to be accountable by interfering any longer. We know that the addict cannot think straight. They can manipulate us to enable them, consciously or unconsciously. Their addict brain also manipulates themselves into getting their fix any way they have to. Even when on the road to recovery. the addict mind can be very persuasive and feel's like they can trust it. "Just one drink won't hurt because you are strong now..." Similarly enablers cannot think straight; they have become traumatised and enmeshed in the whacky situation created by addiction. It would be truely amazing for anybody to come out unscathed by addiction. They can also be prone to the same skewed logic from their own affected brain to justify what they do. What feels very right may in fact be very wrong. As loved ones of addicts, we need to be very aware of this possibiliity if things are going to get better. Enablers need to find recovery for themselves to stop enabling. [/QUOTE]
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I Let the Camel Put His Toe in the Tent - And The Rest You Can Guess
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