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Family of Origin
I Love a Narcissist. Now What?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666773" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not believe it was genetic. I believe it was because of the mother dynamic. My mother always felt guilty about my sister. My sister really got almost nothing at all, beyond the love she got from me. I feel sorry for her.</p><p>Cedar, I agree with your first sense of things. That in each of our own families, the same exact horrible outcome would have happened with each other.</p><p></p><p>I think only now...that we understand some...our own vulnerabilities and strengths...could we do better. And we would do better with each other because of the work...and because of the understanding of consequences of attitudes and behaviors and choices.</p><p></p><p>I think we would inadvertently fall into the same patterns...but we would recognize it...correct it....confess it, talk about it and re-integrate stronger and more devoted.</p><p></p><p>What would be different is<em> FLEXIBILITY.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>See, <em>in human life so far as we have lived it there has always been a victim, golden ones, aggressors. </em></p><p></p><p>But such can be a temporary state, like in children's games. Musical chairs. Pin the tail on the donkey. The farmer in the dell. Hide and seek.</p><p></p><p>Even in D H's family there were temporary and free floating alliances and wars. But they came together after moments or a day.</p><p></p><p>We are the same people we have always been. We will always be vulnerable to the dynamics into which we were bred. But we do not have to succumb.</p><p>I will speak for myself. I think I am sensitive to triangulation and I think I can be subject to triangulating.</p><p></p><p>That said, I can do it. I recognize in myself when there are danger zones. In myself and from others. I talk to myself. I try to change.</p><p></p><p>What I have lacked is the confidence to speak to others in the triangle. Unless I am already very angry and/or wounded. </p><p></p><p>(I guess this is what that bad man at work meant when he said in front of several of our peers: COPA has no boundaries.) </p><p></p><p>I always did but I think I was afraid. I am not so afraid now. But I need to practice more.</p><p></p><p>I believe that with you two, Cedar and Serenity, I am gaining the confidence sufficient to speak to each of you if I had discomfort, doubt or fear, before rather than after their is harm.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666773, member: 18958"] I do not believe it was genetic. I believe it was because of the mother dynamic. My mother always felt guilty about my sister. My sister really got almost nothing at all, beyond the love she got from me. I feel sorry for her. Cedar, I agree with your first sense of things. That in each of our own families, the same exact horrible outcome would have happened with each other. I think only now...that we understand some...our own vulnerabilities and strengths...could we do better. And we would do better with each other because of the work...and because of the understanding of consequences of attitudes and behaviors and choices. I think we would inadvertently fall into the same patterns...but we would recognize it...correct it....confess it, talk about it and re-integrate stronger and more devoted. What would be different is[I] FLEXIBILITY. [/I] See, [I]in human life so far as we have lived it there has always been a victim, golden ones, aggressors. [/I] But such can be a temporary state, like in children's games. Musical chairs. Pin the tail on the donkey. The farmer in the dell. Hide and seek. Even in D H's family there were temporary and free floating alliances and wars. But they came together after moments or a day. We are the same people we have always been. We will always be vulnerable to the dynamics into which we were bred. But we do not have to succumb. I will speak for myself. I think I am sensitive to triangulation and I think I can be subject to triangulating. That said, I can do it. I recognize in myself when there are danger zones. In myself and from others. I talk to myself. I try to change. What I have lacked is the confidence to speak to others in the triangle. Unless I am already very angry and/or wounded. (I guess this is what that bad man at work meant when he said in front of several of our peers: COPA has no boundaries.) I always did but I think I was afraid. I am not so afraid now. But I need to practice more. I believe that with you two, Cedar and Serenity, I am gaining the confidence sufficient to speak to each of you if I had discomfort, doubt or fear, before rather than after their is harm. [/QUOTE]
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