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Family of Origin
I Love a Narcissist. Now What?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666833" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It was an ugly game of hot potato....who gets to hold the shame...who gets to hold the self-hate? </p><p></p><p>Behind their seeming certainty were fragile egos. When they would be flooded with negative feelings...inept, inadequate, desperate, helpless, ashamed, guilty---they attacked---us. They saw their bad feelings as originating in us---our badness, our stupidity. And they attacked us to stop the feelings (which were actually in them). And they kept on doing it as long as and as frequently as they needed to. </p><p></p><p>Remember the story I posted about my mother's visit to see me and my newly adopted son? She was staying in nice old hotel with a wide long corridor. We were in her room with the door open to the hall. The subject of our time with no contact came up. </p><p></p><p>My son, then 2 years old, sensed the tension. </p><p></p><p>He ran down the corridor and I ran after him. I stumbled and fell head over heels.</p><p></p><p>My mother started yelling at my son. </p><p></p><p>Me: Don't yell at him. It's not his fault.</p><p></p><p>My Mother: Yes it is his fault, she yelled. Who else's fault could it be?</p><p></p><p>And this is how it must have been hundreds and hundreds of time through my childhood (and yours and Cedar's) except way worse. And we were alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666833, member: 18958"] It was an ugly game of hot potato....who gets to hold the shame...who gets to hold the self-hate? Behind their seeming certainty were fragile egos. When they would be flooded with negative feelings...inept, inadequate, desperate, helpless, ashamed, guilty---they attacked---us. They saw their bad feelings as originating in us---our badness, our stupidity. And they attacked us to stop the feelings (which were actually in them). And they kept on doing it as long as and as frequently as they needed to. Remember the story I posted about my mother's visit to see me and my newly adopted son? She was staying in nice old hotel with a wide long corridor. We were in her room with the door open to the hall. The subject of our time with no contact came up. My son, then 2 years old, sensed the tension. He ran down the corridor and I ran after him. I stumbled and fell head over heels. My mother started yelling at my son. Me: Don't yell at him. It's not his fault. My Mother: Yes it is his fault, she yelled. Who else's fault could it be? And this is how it must have been hundreds and hundreds of time through my childhood (and yours and Cedar's) except way worse. And we were alone. [/QUOTE]
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I Love a Narcissist. Now What?
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