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I made him leave.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 677874" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>It is the hardest thing, when all we would like to be able to do is give a big hug, kiss, sit down and have a decent conversation. I can do this with my easy children. With my two, I have to keep my guard up. I am not viewed in their eyes as a person, I am merely an opportunity.</p><p>This is a hard reality, but the truth, for me.</p><p>Whether it is drugs, or mental illness onset with drugs, I do not know.</p><p>All I know is that I have to protect myself, my heart.</p><p> This is so true Cedar, every word of it. I think it is a good way to look at it...<em>the situation intrudes.</em>....</p><p>I think that when my two see me, they may feel an inkling of love, but their situation with drug use, continues the patterns of triangulation and manipulation.</p><p>To them, <em>I am the reason for all of their troubles</em>. They keep up this shield about them, I am the "bad mother", it enables them to continue to blame me for all of their troubles, and be disrespectful, cunning.</p><p>So it is up to me, to see through this shield. First, I must protect myself, guard my heart. I must know that I love them, but also what they are capable of when near me.</p><p></p><p>This you are doing Copa. It is the hardest thing.</p><p> You are being very strong, and very smart.</p><p> Keep guarding your heart Copa.</p><p> I agree. You are doing the right thing.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /> ...and steady state.</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 677874, member: 19522"] It is the hardest thing, when all we would like to be able to do is give a big hug, kiss, sit down and have a decent conversation. I can do this with my easy children. With my two, I have to keep my guard up. I am not viewed in their eyes as a person, I am merely an opportunity. This is a hard reality, but the truth, for me. Whether it is drugs, or mental illness onset with drugs, I do not know. All I know is that I have to protect myself, my heart. This is so true Cedar, every word of it. I think it is a good way to look at it...[I]the situation intrudes.[/I].... I think that when my two see me, they may feel an inkling of love, but their situation with drug use, continues the patterns of triangulation and manipulation. To them, [I]I am the reason for all of their troubles[/I]. They keep up this shield about them, I am the "bad mother", it enables them to continue to blame me for all of their troubles, and be disrespectful, cunning. So it is up to me, to see through this shield. First, I must protect myself, guard my heart. I must know that I love them, but also what they are capable of when near me. This you are doing Copa. It is the hardest thing. You are being very strong, and very smart. Keep guarding your heart Copa. I agree. You are doing the right thing. (((HUGS))) :staystrong: ...and steady state. leafy [/QUOTE]
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