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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 654644" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Some of us are differently wired, Copa.</p><p></p><p>It could be that your mother was cruel and overbearing and that you needed so badly for her to be the affirming mother you needed that you condemned yourself for her faults.</p><p></p><p>My mother is that way, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I am opening the compartmentalized emotional hurts and areas of global devastation that were my mother's legacy to me. </p><p></p><p>I do not have an affirming mother figure in my psyche somewhere, telling me I am strong and bright and good. I have KFCD, negative radio from the toxic past playing away beneath the cares of everyday, instead.</p><p></p><p>(KFCD is a concept from Anne Lamott.)</p><p></p><p>To heal, I began with a resolution to be kinder to myself. Not kind, but only kinder. I was blown away by the frequency of the times I caught myself condemning me. Over the course of a year, I began seeing myself so differently, Copa.</p><p></p><p>This year, I added awareness of KFCD, the twenty four hour a day negative radio station my mother blasts away on in my head.</p><p></p><p>Geez, she is such a biatch.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, this is good.</p><p></p><p>It's so hard for us to see when we are being victimized. Which is why we were targeted in the first place, of course.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ouch.</p><p></p><p>People who are trying to hurt us will claim that who we intrinsically are is a false thing.</p><p></p><p>They are wrong.</p><p></p><p>Just as there are people wired as predators, there are of course people wired as we are.</p><p></p><p>The difference is trust, I think. We think everyone is like us. They think everyone is like them.</p><p></p><p>Then, they realize we are not like them, and they hate us for it.</p><p></p><p>That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.</p><p></p><p>Works for me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am glad you did that, too.</p><p></p><p>You owe the daughter nothing.</p><p></p><p>There is some question about the sociopathic tendency gene skipping a generation. (My granddaughter told me this, actually.)</p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p>But it makes sense that this would be so.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps the daughter inherited that gene from her father, or from a grandfather. The mother you loved sounds like she loved you and her daughter and probably everyone.</p><p></p><p>She was like us.</p><p></p><p>But if we are not going to be twisted into some ugly reflection of ourselves, we need to see what is for what it is, and we need to stand up to it.</p><p></p><p>Back in evolutionary times, there was a need for the personality type riding our genetic lines. If they had all been like us, none of us would have made it.</p><p></p><p>That's my story and blah, blah, blah.</p><p></p><p>Heh.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And that is called the bait, elizabethanne.</p><p></p><p>The only person who has to know who you are is you.</p><p></p><p>Right needs no defense, just good witness, right?</p><p></p><p>And we are right here.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 654644, member: 17461"] Some of us are differently wired, Copa. It could be that your mother was cruel and overbearing and that you needed so badly for her to be the affirming mother you needed that you condemned yourself for her faults. My mother is that way, Copa. I am opening the compartmentalized emotional hurts and areas of global devastation that were my mother's legacy to me. I do not have an affirming mother figure in my psyche somewhere, telling me I am strong and bright and good. I have KFCD, negative radio from the toxic past playing away beneath the cares of everyday, instead. (KFCD is a concept from Anne Lamott.) To heal, I began with a resolution to be kinder to myself. Not kind, but only kinder. I was blown away by the frequency of the times I caught myself condemning me. Over the course of a year, I began seeing myself so differently, Copa. This year, I added awareness of KFCD, the twenty four hour a day negative radio station my mother blasts away on in my head. Geez, she is such a biatch. :O) Oh, this is good. It's so hard for us to see when we are being victimized. Which is why we were targeted in the first place, of course. Ouch. People who are trying to hurt us will claim that who we intrinsically are is a false thing. They are wrong. Just as there are people wired as predators, there are of course people wired as we are. The difference is trust, I think. We think everyone is like us. They think everyone is like them. Then, they realize we are not like them, and they hate us for it. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Works for me. I am glad you did that, too. You owe the daughter nothing. There is some question about the sociopathic tendency gene skipping a generation. (My granddaughter told me this, actually.) Ahem. But it makes sense that this would be so. Perhaps the daughter inherited that gene from her father, or from a grandfather. The mother you loved sounds like she loved you and her daughter and probably everyone. She was like us. But if we are not going to be twisted into some ugly reflection of ourselves, we need to see what is for what it is, and we need to stand up to it. Back in evolutionary times, there was a need for the personality type riding our genetic lines. If they had all been like us, none of us would have made it. That's my story and blah, blah, blah. Heh. And that is called the bait, elizabethanne. The only person who has to know who you are is you. Right needs no defense, just good witness, right? And we are right here. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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