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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654657" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Cedar</p><p></p><p>Honestly I cannot imagine how my sister would describe me, except to recount all of my mistakes and the ways I have harmed, hurt her. She would list my crimes, my errors, not my attributes. </p><p></p><p>And, yes, there is a long list of errors, failures. I think that my Mother and Sister would talk about my failings with my child. When my Mom was already ill and not remembering so good, she forgot for an instant that she was speaking to me on the phone and not my sister. She said: "When is she ever going to stop DOING EVERYTHING FOR HIM? " </p><p></p><p>Of course, she was right. What hurt was the TONE. When my Mother spoke to me, she voiced compassion. This voice was judgement and gossip.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I do not think my sister could tolerate listing my attributes. Her rage, jealousy and envy would not permit it. Is that grandiose of me? </p><p></p><p>How interesting to me is this virtual conversation. In the 19 months since my Mother's death, and the year before she died....I have lost or have been unable to tap many of the attributes that have been defined me. To remind me who I was and hopefully may again someday be, I will name a few:</p><p></p><p>Audacious in my goals (I aspired beyond my intrinsic gifts, I believe, and thereby grew as a person)</p><p>Life loving (dance, travel, people)</p><p>Giving of my energy, love, time</p><p>Creative</p><p>Hopeful</p><p>Hilarious (Sometimes, too much--I made myself the Joke sometimes.)</p><p>Pretty (I gained 60 pounds)</p><p>Smart (To a large extent I feel I have lost the ability to concentrate and focus, to pay attention and to remember.</p><p></p><p>I am not so dulled of brain that I do not recognize the potential link between losing my Mother and giving up myself---so hard gained---especially the "icing on the cake" so to speak of my life.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Cedar, and All.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654657, member: 18958"] Hi Cedar Honestly I cannot imagine how my sister would describe me, except to recount all of my mistakes and the ways I have harmed, hurt her. She would list my crimes, my errors, not my attributes. And, yes, there is a long list of errors, failures. I think that my Mother and Sister would talk about my failings with my child. When my Mom was already ill and not remembering so good, she forgot for an instant that she was speaking to me on the phone and not my sister. She said: "When is she ever going to stop DOING EVERYTHING FOR HIM? " Of course, she was right. What hurt was the TONE. When my Mother spoke to me, she voiced compassion. This voice was judgement and gossip. Honestly, I do not think my sister could tolerate listing my attributes. Her rage, jealousy and envy would not permit it. Is that grandiose of me? How interesting to me is this virtual conversation. In the 19 months since my Mother's death, and the year before she died....I have lost or have been unable to tap many of the attributes that have been defined me. To remind me who I was and hopefully may again someday be, I will name a few: Audacious in my goals (I aspired beyond my intrinsic gifts, I believe, and thereby grew as a person) Life loving (dance, travel, people) Giving of my energy, love, time Creative Hopeful Hilarious (Sometimes, too much--I made myself the Joke sometimes.) Pretty (I gained 60 pounds) Smart (To a large extent I feel I have lost the ability to concentrate and focus, to pay attention and to remember. I am not so dulled of brain that I do not recognize the potential link between losing my Mother and giving up myself---so hard gained---especially the "icing on the cake" so to speak of my life. Thank you, Cedar, and All. [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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