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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654866" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, my dear friend, welcome back.</p><p></p><p>I just read a very interesting article about how we will never know why they do it or did it. You can no thave a conversation and ask them as they will either give a circular answer or no answer at all or cut you off because they have no answers and don't want to discuss us. We have to reconcile to ourselves that we will never know why. I loved reading that. It was so affirming.</p><p></p><p>Next it said that the only answer to not getting caught up in their games is complete no contact. No e-mails, no phone calls, no sudden calls out of the blue spouting new expectations, nothing. I don't like the idea of that. I always like to leave the door open and hope that this time is different. But this time it made sense to me. We get nothing out of these relations other than pain and confusion and a warped view of how we lived. I find myself asking me, "Was it YOU who abused? WAS IT?" That is what "they" claim. But when my mind is clear and they have been all gone for long periodsof time, I know my answer. If I am an abuser, why can I live in peace with two men long term who both loved me and valued me? My first husband was a bad match for me and we did have words, but he always did tell me I had such a good heart and even called me a humanitarian. Maybe he exaggerated a bit...lol. But we lasted seventeen years and do not dislike one another even after a divorce. My current family is very peaceful and lacking in drama, fighting, and namecalling. Could it still have been me in my FOO? I don't know for sure. I am done asking myself the question. I am done with most of my FOO. Forever. No contact. For life. No more doubting my memories. No more doubting my character. No more....them. They won't care so I haven't hurt them and I will be reborn. My husband pointed out the only time I get really upset is when I am thrown into a tiff with them. usually I am passive and happy. </p><p></p><p>We will never know the answers to our questions. We can never even know if our critics have a point. We know their point, but we will never know why because they are poor communicators and can not express things or they hide from doing so. Acceptance. Radical acceptance. It is what it is. It would be nice if we always could find out the reaons everything happens in our lives, but that halppens to nobody. I accept that I will never know. And you should all accept that too. You will never know why. </p><p></p><p>But you can control how often you want to talk to people who make you feel badly about yourself because you deserve to celebrate the greatness within you and all of us. You can go low or no contact. I feel my case is extrme and requires no contact. You trust your own instincts and do what is best for you.</p><p></p><p>And, remember, you will have to accept that you will never get the answers to so many questions. </p><p></p><p>Don't worry....be happy because you are so worthwhile and the less you talk to those who try to make you feel bad, the more your mind will clear and you will see the truth about yourself. Your truth, not their truth. </p><p></p><p>Work calls. Have a great day, friends!!!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654866, member: 1550"] Cedar, my dear friend, welcome back. I just read a very interesting article about how we will never know why they do it or did it. You can no thave a conversation and ask them as they will either give a circular answer or no answer at all or cut you off because they have no answers and don't want to discuss us. We have to reconcile to ourselves that we will never know why. I loved reading that. It was so affirming. Next it said that the only answer to not getting caught up in their games is complete no contact. No e-mails, no phone calls, no sudden calls out of the blue spouting new expectations, nothing. I don't like the idea of that. I always like to leave the door open and hope that this time is different. But this time it made sense to me. We get nothing out of these relations other than pain and confusion and a warped view of how we lived. I find myself asking me, "Was it YOU who abused? WAS IT?" That is what "they" claim. But when my mind is clear and they have been all gone for long periodsof time, I know my answer. If I am an abuser, why can I live in peace with two men long term who both loved me and valued me? My first husband was a bad match for me and we did have words, but he always did tell me I had such a good heart and even called me a humanitarian. Maybe he exaggerated a bit...lol. But we lasted seventeen years and do not dislike one another even after a divorce. My current family is very peaceful and lacking in drama, fighting, and namecalling. Could it still have been me in my FOO? I don't know for sure. I am done asking myself the question. I am done with most of my FOO. Forever. No contact. For life. No more doubting my memories. No more doubting my character. No more....them. They won't care so I haven't hurt them and I will be reborn. My husband pointed out the only time I get really upset is when I am thrown into a tiff with them. usually I am passive and happy. We will never know the answers to our questions. We can never even know if our critics have a point. We know their point, but we will never know why because they are poor communicators and can not express things or they hide from doing so. Acceptance. Radical acceptance. It is what it is. It would be nice if we always could find out the reaons everything happens in our lives, but that halppens to nobody. I accept that I will never know. And you should all accept that too. You will never know why. But you can control how often you want to talk to people who make you feel badly about yourself because you deserve to celebrate the greatness within you and all of us. You can go low or no contact. I feel my case is extrme and requires no contact. You trust your own instincts and do what is best for you. And, remember, you will have to accept that you will never get the answers to so many questions. Don't worry....be happy because you are so worthwhile and the less you talk to those who try to make you feel bad, the more your mind will clear and you will see the truth about yourself. Your truth, not their truth. Work calls. Have a great day, friends!!!!! :) :) [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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