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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654902" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar...I so applaud you in this. We have actually come far together, as in at the same time. Suddenly I realize, as you do, that we don't need to figure it out. In fact, our FOO don't even make any sense. Think about it. Mothers not liking their kids. Turning kids against one another. Making at least one kid (or more) feel like crap? The siblings deciding to jump in and join the bullying, suffering no angst because they were not the abused ones, but saying they were...in what universe is anybody supposed to figure this out? It is irrational; illogical, like all dysfunctional families that are sick? I hope you MEAN it that you have stopped trying to figure it out because I did stop. Why? Who knows why? The perpetrators themselves don't even know why. Maybe it started because my mther had a low self image, due to her mother giving HER a low self image and favoring her son, so she felt the need to make her oldest daughter feel useless, selfish, stupid, lazy, and have no good in her? That's just a wild guess. She did try to do it and succeeded for a while. But I'll never know why she played her sick game until her death. And I am not going to waste time trying to ruminate over it.</p><p></p><p>You shouldn't either.</p><p></p><p>Here is a little bit of a secret.</p><p></p><p>Although I did call my mother to try to get some closure in this lifetime, I obviously knew she was not reciprocating. Of course I hoped one day she would, but I certanly did not consider the possibility great. I still tried because I fele that, as her daughter whom she felt had done her grevious wrongs, the right thing to do was to take the high road and to let her know I loved her (which I did at the time) and to continue to try to honor her because she gave birth to me, even though she had told me many times she felt nothing toward her pregnancy or toward me after I was born. I still wanted to do the right thing. I'm sorry I kept talking to her when she really didn't want me to. It was very foolish of me. She was smiling while we talked and thinking about how she had disowned me years ago and that I'd find out.</p><p></p><p>If I had not tried so hard to follow my beliefs, which are to try to work it out in your earth life, I would probably not have felt so hurt after she passed on. Maybe disowning me as her daughter would have hurt less as we would have then been no contact for a decade. I learned that you can't always work it out in this lifetime and that you do have to be good to yourself and protect yourself from people who intentionally hurt you. Therefore, I guess I will not be working anything out with "others" in this lifetime. I will not be taking this so called "high road" anymore...it is pointless with some people.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar, maybe you should do the same. I know your FOO hurts you and has let you down and has made you feel like dirt, just as mine did. Is it worthwhile to maintain any contact at all? If you believe in God and Heaven of any sort, then certainly you must believe that even if it is ugly here and now that it can be resolved in a better place, where humans have more insight.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, hold your heart close and don't let anybody, even your FOO, play crazy games with you anymore. We can do this together. Actually, if you think about it rationally, there is NOTHING in it for us to know what they think about anything. So there is nothing in it for us to even acknowledge them. I think when people who don't know me ask me if I have siblings, I'm going to start to say "no" so that the subject of "Oh, ad where do they live and blah, blah, blah" doesn't even come up.</p><p></p><p>I am an Only Child. A happy, rather silly, young-at-heart only child with a wonderful family that is a family by choice, not by chance. And you have a wonderful husband that you picked out. We are blessed. We don't need to think of ourselves as part of the FOO. And I never will again. It is a freeing feeling to think of myself as ME!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654902, member: 1550"] Cedar...I so applaud you in this. We have actually come far together, as in at the same time. Suddenly I realize, as you do, that we don't need to figure it out. In fact, our FOO don't even make any sense. Think about it. Mothers not liking their kids. Turning kids against one another. Making at least one kid (or more) feel like crap? The siblings deciding to jump in and join the bullying, suffering no angst because they were not the abused ones, but saying they were...in what universe is anybody supposed to figure this out? It is irrational; illogical, like all dysfunctional families that are sick? I hope you MEAN it that you have stopped trying to figure it out because I did stop. Why? Who knows why? The perpetrators themselves don't even know why. Maybe it started because my mther had a low self image, due to her mother giving HER a low self image and favoring her son, so she felt the need to make her oldest daughter feel useless, selfish, stupid, lazy, and have no good in her? That's just a wild guess. She did try to do it and succeeded for a while. But I'll never know why she played her sick game until her death. And I am not going to waste time trying to ruminate over it. You shouldn't either. Here is a little bit of a secret. Although I did call my mother to try to get some closure in this lifetime, I obviously knew she was not reciprocating. Of course I hoped one day she would, but I certanly did not consider the possibility great. I still tried because I fele that, as her daughter whom she felt had done her grevious wrongs, the right thing to do was to take the high road and to let her know I loved her (which I did at the time) and to continue to try to honor her because she gave birth to me, even though she had told me many times she felt nothing toward her pregnancy or toward me after I was born. I still wanted to do the right thing. I'm sorry I kept talking to her when she really didn't want me to. It was very foolish of me. She was smiling while we talked and thinking about how she had disowned me years ago and that I'd find out. If I had not tried so hard to follow my beliefs, which are to try to work it out in your earth life, I would probably not have felt so hurt after she passed on. Maybe disowning me as her daughter would have hurt less as we would have then been no contact for a decade. I learned that you can't always work it out in this lifetime and that you do have to be good to yourself and protect yourself from people who intentionally hurt you. Therefore, I guess I will not be working anything out with "others" in this lifetime. I will not be taking this so called "high road" anymore...it is pointless with some people. Cedar, maybe you should do the same. I know your FOO hurts you and has let you down and has made you feel like dirt, just as mine did. Is it worthwhile to maintain any contact at all? If you believe in God and Heaven of any sort, then certainly you must believe that even if it is ugly here and now that it can be resolved in a better place, where humans have more insight. Cedar, hold your heart close and don't let anybody, even your FOO, play crazy games with you anymore. We can do this together. Actually, if you think about it rationally, there is NOTHING in it for us to know what they think about anything. So there is nothing in it for us to even acknowledge them. I think when people who don't know me ask me if I have siblings, I'm going to start to say "no" so that the subject of "Oh, ad where do they live and blah, blah, blah" doesn't even come up. I am an Only Child. A happy, rather silly, young-at-heart only child with a wonderful family that is a family by choice, not by chance. And you have a wonderful husband that you picked out. We are blessed. We don't need to think of ourselves as part of the FOO. And I never will again. It is a freeing feeling to think of myself as ME!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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