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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654915" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>If my sister were to post, she would describe a sister with whom she has decided proactively to have no contact, and list the reasons, all so reasonable. She would describe her now dead mother in the same terms. She needed to separate herself completely from this toxic family. She did this. When she got cancer she wrote a letter to my then 86 year old mother to tell her she was toxic to her, as was I, and wanted no contact for we would kill her with our toxicity.</p><p></p><p>The only problem with this scenario was that already there was no contact; nor had there been for some time. My Mother and I had initiated the distance from my sister...To me the letter requesting no contact was to damage and destroy...an old lady...nothing more.</p><p></p><p>My issue is not "no contact" as I did not see or speak with my father in the 5 years before his death in 1982; nor did i see or speak with my Mother for what I remember to be close to a decade, during the same period. You know already I chose to not see my sister for an equally long period.</p><p></p><p>My musings are thus: there is the problem of perspective. We see easily our side...and with more difficulty see the other...who was it on this board who did not want distance as fall into judgement...projecting blame and responsibility to the other...wanting to own her part....so as to grow more completely. She said it more ably. Had I done more of that...what would have come of it?</p><p></p><p>Our lives are not a court of law. But who is the offender here?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654915, member: 18958"] If my sister were to post, she would describe a sister with whom she has decided proactively to have no contact, and list the reasons, all so reasonable. She would describe her now dead mother in the same terms. She needed to separate herself completely from this toxic family. She did this. When she got cancer she wrote a letter to my then 86 year old mother to tell her she was toxic to her, as was I, and wanted no contact for we would kill her with our toxicity. The only problem with this scenario was that already there was no contact; nor had there been for some time. My Mother and I had initiated the distance from my sister...To me the letter requesting no contact was to damage and destroy...an old lady...nothing more. My issue is not "no contact" as I did not see or speak with my father in the 5 years before his death in 1982; nor did i see or speak with my Mother for what I remember to be close to a decade, during the same period. You know already I chose to not see my sister for an equally long period. My musings are thus: there is the problem of perspective. We see easily our side...and with more difficulty see the other...who was it on this board who did not want distance as fall into judgement...projecting blame and responsibility to the other...wanting to own her part....so as to grow more completely. She said it more ably. Had I done more of that...what would have come of it? Our lives are not a court of law. But who is the offender here? [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
I miss my sister...for the first time in say 55 years.
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