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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 740035" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Guess you know what I'm going to say. None of this is your fault. There's nothing more you can do to help him. You know it all. You've lived it. You've done it. Now forgive yourself.</p><p></p><p>No you can't secure his future. Yes, I suspect he may be able to collect SSDI if he gets an attorney to argue that he was in denial when he filled out the app and said after 21 onset. But that's his appeal not yours. Put it in writing to him with list of attorney names and then let it go. He might like the idea now if SSDI pays more than SSI. But give him info and let it go. And FYI SSDI will pay him when you collect retirement or turn 65, whichever earlier, not just after you're gone. But that's another post. Only one other thing, offer to provide him and attorney with proof (evaluations) that it was before 21.</p><p></p><p>About the mail....you know this..detach... I get my kids' mail but it doesn't bother me. I put it in big envelopes and hand it to them when I see them. I don't look at it other than for urgency eg criminal hearing. But if it bothers you then stop. You know this. Tell post office he doesn't live there and you have no forwarding address. Getting mail not your responsibility!</p><p>But I won't preach to the choir any more on this.</p><p></p><p>More importantly, why? Wish I could accept it for mine. But then, my mother has the same question about me. She thinks I should be happily married to a dr, lawyer, indian chief in a 4 bed house in toney burb with 2.5 gorgeous kids at Harvard or Yale. I'm a bitter disappointment. Where or where did she go wrong? Well I could answer that for sure. But its not just about her mental illness. Its not just about the illness I inherited from her. Its about values. She and I don't consider the same things important. I don't care whether I have the best house on the block, the greenest lawn, the best car. She does. Thus I'm a disappointment. The fact that I'm happy, do positive things for others, live my religion, etc not important to her. </p><p></p><p>So what's important to your son vs important to you?</p><p></p><p>Elsi and I posted replies to Drew about this relative to autism. Different topic but same theme.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 740035, member: 23371"] Guess you know what I'm going to say. None of this is your fault. There's nothing more you can do to help him. You know it all. You've lived it. You've done it. Now forgive yourself. No you can't secure his future. Yes, I suspect he may be able to collect SSDI if he gets an attorney to argue that he was in denial when he filled out the app and said after 21 onset. But that's his appeal not yours. Put it in writing to him with list of attorney names and then let it go. He might like the idea now if SSDI pays more than SSI. But give him info and let it go. And FYI SSDI will pay him when you collect retirement or turn 65, whichever earlier, not just after you're gone. But that's another post. Only one other thing, offer to provide him and attorney with proof (evaluations) that it was before 21. About the mail....you know this..detach... I get my kids' mail but it doesn't bother me. I put it in big envelopes and hand it to them when I see them. I don't look at it other than for urgency eg criminal hearing. But if it bothers you then stop. You know this. Tell post office he doesn't live there and you have no forwarding address. Getting mail not your responsibility! But I won't preach to the choir any more on this. More importantly, why? Wish I could accept it for mine. But then, my mother has the same question about me. She thinks I should be happily married to a dr, lawyer, indian chief in a 4 bed house in toney burb with 2.5 gorgeous kids at Harvard or Yale. I'm a bitter disappointment. Where or where did she go wrong? Well I could answer that for sure. But its not just about her mental illness. Its not just about the illness I inherited from her. Its about values. She and I don't consider the same things important. I don't care whether I have the best house on the block, the greenest lawn, the best car. She does. Thus I'm a disappointment. The fact that I'm happy, do positive things for others, live my religion, etc not important to her. So what's important to your son vs important to you? Elsi and I posted replies to Drew about this relative to autism. Different topic but same theme. [/QUOTE]
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