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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 740037" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Copa...... I ache with you. I feel for you. I know your pain. At the moment I have worries about my son but he is doing ok.... but as you know he has been homeless and on the streets and I have worried and worried and felt helpless. I get all that you are feeling.</p><p></p><p>So a couple of thoughts. You most definitely are not at fault. Let go of that one. You did not go wrong. This is something in your son and at this point he is an adult and he needs to find his way and you cant find it for him. That is just so hard as a mother because we want so much to help and protect our children but once they are adults we really can’t.</p><p></p><p>My second thought is around grief. The fact is what your son is doing, his aimlessness, his lost potential, his going nowhere is terribly terribly sad. The fact that being around him is so hard for you that it is not good for you is sad. It really is. So some of what you are feeling is pure grief. We can live our lives, we can even live basically happy productive lives, but that doesnt mean the sadness and grief goes away completely. It just sometimes takes a back seat.... and sometimes it comes and sits right next to us.</p><p></p><p>What I have found is that when the grief bubbles up and gets close to me I have to let myself feel it for a few moments.... I cant wallow in it for a long time, but I have to let it in, let myself feel it for a few moments, maybe have a good cry, and then I can put it in the back seat again. If I try to ignore it, try to pretend its not there, try to push it away then it just stays around and keeps tapping me on the shoulder.</p><p></p><p>So the situation with your son is heartbreaking and sad and of course you feel that... and the fact you feel that is normal, and is ok and is because you are a loving mother.</p><p>Let it in and then maybe you can let it go for another day.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 740037, member: 15801"] Copa...... I ache with you. I feel for you. I know your pain. At the moment I have worries about my son but he is doing ok.... but as you know he has been homeless and on the streets and I have worried and worried and felt helpless. I get all that you are feeling. So a couple of thoughts. You most definitely are not at fault. Let go of that one. You did not go wrong. This is something in your son and at this point he is an adult and he needs to find his way and you cant find it for him. That is just so hard as a mother because we want so much to help and protect our children but once they are adults we really can’t. My second thought is around grief. The fact is what your son is doing, his aimlessness, his lost potential, his going nowhere is terribly terribly sad. The fact that being around him is so hard for you that it is not good for you is sad. It really is. So some of what you are feeling is pure grief. We can live our lives, we can even live basically happy productive lives, but that doesnt mean the sadness and grief goes away completely. It just sometimes takes a back seat.... and sometimes it comes and sits right next to us. What I have found is that when the grief bubbles up and gets close to me I have to let myself feel it for a few moments.... I cant wallow in it for a long time, but I have to let it in, let myself feel it for a few moments, maybe have a good cry, and then I can put it in the back seat again. If I try to ignore it, try to pretend its not there, try to push it away then it just stays around and keeps tapping me on the shoulder. So the situation with your son is heartbreaking and sad and of course you feel that... and the fact you feel that is normal, and is ok and is because you are a loving mother. Let it in and then maybe you can let it go for another day. Hugs, TL [/QUOTE]
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