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I need to be tied to the mast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740038" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Oh Copa I can so identify with your pain here. I am fighting the urge right now to text C and find out how things are going. Or lord help me text S...and I know how things are going there. I want to and I dread it because every time I reach out I am inviting them to make their problems mine. </p><p></p><p>I have asked myself all the same questions. What could I have done differently? How can they live like this? How is it that it seems like nothing I tried to teach them has stuck with them? </p><p></p><p>I don’t have any answers on the SSI or SSDI. I don’t think mine have those options - certainly not for getting anything from mine after I’m gone. I worry about that a lot. What happens to them when they are my age or older, assuming they make it that far? They are making no provisions for tomorrow, let alone retirement. I’ve had to try to let that go. It’s hard. It hurts to think they might still be living this existence by then. I can only pray they’ll find their way back to sanity while I am still here to help. C perhaps is on his way. We’ll see. </p><p></p><p>I’ve moved twice and changed my name since they moved out, so I don’t get mail. Thank goodness. That would be upsetting for me too. I would also suggest you return those as undeliverable and let that go. </p><p></p><p>I have no real answers - I am on this path with you. But because of the title of your post I will leave you with this song from Mumford and Sons, which I Posted in part on another thread. I don’t know what it is ‘really’ supposed to mean, but when I listen to it I hear the process of detaching from taking responsibility for someone else’s life and toxic choices. Moving from ‘I will hold on hope/I won’t let you choke/I’ll know my name when it’s called again” to “I need freedom know/to live my life as it’s meant to be”. I’ve listened to it a lot lately. (by the way, I think in addition to the Oddessey references which reminded me of your thread title, the coming out of the cave reference is for the enlightenment ofSt. Francis of Assisi.) </p><p></p><p>The Cave </p><p></p><p>It's empty in the valley of your heart</p><p>The sun, it rises slowly as you walk</p><p>Away from all the fears and all the faults you've left behind</p><p></p><p>The harvest left no food for you to eat</p><p>You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see</p><p>But I have seen the same I know the shame in your defeat</p><p></p><p>I will hold on hope and I won't let you choke</p><p>On the noose around your neck</p><p>And I'll find strength in pain</p><p>And I will change my ways</p><p>I'll know my name as it's called again</p><p></p><p>'Cause I have other things to fill my time</p><p>You take what is yours and I'll take mine</p><p>Now let me at the truth, which will refresh my broken mind</p><p></p><p>So tie me to a post and block my ears</p><p>I can see widows and orphans through my tears</p><p>I know my call despite my faults and despite my growing fears</p><p></p><p>But I will hold on hope and I won't let you choke</p><p>On the noose around your neck</p><p>And I'll find strength in pain</p><p>And I will change my ways</p><p>I'll know my name as it's called again</p><p></p><p>So come out of your cave walking on your hands</p><p>And see the world hanging upside down</p><p>You can understand dependence when you know the maker's heart</p><p></p><p>So make your siren's call and sing all you want</p><p>I will not hear what you have to say</p><p>'Cause I need freedom now and I need to know how</p><p>To live my life as it's meant to be</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740038, member: 23349"] Oh Copa I can so identify with your pain here. I am fighting the urge right now to text C and find out how things are going. Or lord help me text S...and I know how things are going there. I want to and I dread it because every time I reach out I am inviting them to make their problems mine. I have asked myself all the same questions. What could I have done differently? How can they live like this? How is it that it seems like nothing I tried to teach them has stuck with them? I don’t have any answers on the SSI or SSDI. I don’t think mine have those options - certainly not for getting anything from mine after I’m gone. I worry about that a lot. What happens to them when they are my age or older, assuming they make it that far? They are making no provisions for tomorrow, let alone retirement. I’ve had to try to let that go. It’s hard. It hurts to think they might still be living this existence by then. I can only pray they’ll find their way back to sanity while I am still here to help. C perhaps is on his way. We’ll see. I’ve moved twice and changed my name since they moved out, so I don’t get mail. Thank goodness. That would be upsetting for me too. I would also suggest you return those as undeliverable and let that go. I have no real answers - I am on this path with you. But because of the title of your post I will leave you with this song from Mumford and Sons, which I Posted in part on another thread. I don’t know what it is ‘really’ supposed to mean, but when I listen to it I hear the process of detaching from taking responsibility for someone else’s life and toxic choices. Moving from ‘I will hold on hope/I won’t let you choke/I’ll know my name when it’s called again” to “I need freedom know/to live my life as it’s meant to be”. I’ve listened to it a lot lately. (by the way, I think in addition to the Oddessey references which reminded me of your thread title, the coming out of the cave reference is for the enlightenment ofSt. Francis of Assisi.) The Cave It's empty in the valley of your heart The sun, it rises slowly as you walk Away from all the fears and all the faults you've left behind The harvest left no food for you to eat You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see But I have seen the same I know the shame in your defeat I will hold on hope and I won't let you choke On the noose around your neck And I'll find strength in pain And I will change my ways I'll know my name as it's called again 'Cause I have other things to fill my time You take what is yours and I'll take mine Now let me at the truth, which will refresh my broken mind So tie me to a post and block my ears I can see widows and orphans through my tears I know my call despite my faults and despite my growing fears But I will hold on hope and I won't let you choke On the noose around your neck And I'll find strength in pain And I will change my ways I'll know my name as it's called again So come out of your cave walking on your hands And see the world hanging upside down You can understand dependence when you know the maker's heart So make your siren's call and sing all you want I will not hear what you have to say 'Cause I need freedom now and I need to know how To live my life as it's meant to be [/QUOTE]
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