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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 740041" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa... This is not about you or your sons amazing childhood. Or what you are lacking in because you dont lack. No child was ever loved more than your son.</p><p></p><p>Smithsmom brought up something important and I will expand on it. Our children have far more influences than just us. There are teachers, life, genetics (we adoptive parents do not control their DNA), and as they get older.. peers are far more important to them than we are. Society matters too. In your son's generation, and all young people, weed is no big deal.. How can we,old parents in their minds, compete with their peers? We cant.</p><p></p><p>What were you doing at 29? Were you trying to mirror your mother's values and life or were you .woman deciding your own values. Would you blame your mother for any hardships? I had a dysfunctional, abusive mother but by 29 mistakes I made (plentiful)were on me. I do not and never did share her values. </p><p></p><p>29 means he is choosing his life and social norms based on his own opinions. It is shocking but unless it comes with pot use accepted and money, he doesnt care about the warm house and he wont look for a job. Trust me he knows where to go to get help looking for a job. SSI gives him support options that he isnt using. Job Rehab would help him find a part time job that would not affect his social security. He knows this.</p><p></p><p>I like the idea of mail tossed in a bag. If you can resist, dont check to see who sent the mail.</p><p></p><p>If you write to him asking what you did wrong, know that you are giving him a license to abuse you and lie to you about yourself. His truth is too painful. His truth is on him. He had every advantage and HE chose to live this life. Thats the answer. He is too busy diverting the blame to you to tell you that truth. Everyone, ourselves included, ultimately chose who we are.</p><p></p><p>Every step forwatd for us includes our own relapses. Forgive yourself for s bad day. Do something completely crazy fun for you and see if that helps.</p><p></p><p>Love to one of the kindest smartest ladies I have ever "talked" to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 740041, member: 1550"] Copa... This is not about you or your sons amazing childhood. Or what you are lacking in because you dont lack. No child was ever loved more than your son. Smithsmom brought up something important and I will expand on it. Our children have far more influences than just us. There are teachers, life, genetics (we adoptive parents do not control their DNA), and as they get older.. peers are far more important to them than we are. Society matters too. In your son's generation, and all young people, weed is no big deal.. How can we,old parents in their minds, compete with their peers? We cant. What were you doing at 29? Were you trying to mirror your mother's values and life or were you .woman deciding your own values. Would you blame your mother for any hardships? I had a dysfunctional, abusive mother but by 29 mistakes I made (plentiful)were on me. I do not and never did share her values. 29 means he is choosing his life and social norms based on his own opinions. It is shocking but unless it comes with pot use accepted and money, he doesnt care about the warm house and he wont look for a job. Trust me he knows where to go to get help looking for a job. SSI gives him support options that he isnt using. Job Rehab would help him find a part time job that would not affect his social security. He knows this. I like the idea of mail tossed in a bag. If you can resist, dont check to see who sent the mail. If you write to him asking what you did wrong, know that you are giving him a license to abuse you and lie to you about yourself. His truth is too painful. His truth is on him. He had every advantage and HE chose to live this life. Thats the answer. He is too busy diverting the blame to you to tell you that truth. Everyone, ourselves included, ultimately chose who we are. Every step forwatd for us includes our own relapses. Forgive yourself for s bad day. Do something completely crazy fun for you and see if that helps. Love to one of the kindest smartest ladies I have ever "talked" to. [/QUOTE]
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