Copa I think smithmom and kalahou have given some wise counsel, and I won’t repeat it. But on your specific question of how much contact to have, I’ll share what’s worked for me. I know you’ll come to your own balance.
For me, I find less is more. I don’t contact them daily. I reach out just enough to let them know I’m still here and accessible. And I try to have zero expectations for the kind of response I will get or whether they will respond at all.
Right now, with c, I do have contact about every day. That’s unusual in our relationship, and reflects the situation I’ve been in with him these last few weeks. For me, this level of contact is too much to sustain with him, because I find myself getting sucked into problem solving. He is looking to me for answers he needs to be looking to himself for. I’m trying to regain the balance with him.
Typically with both c and s I just maintain a low level connection. I may text a couple times a week. Nothing big - just something that says hey, I’m thinking of you. A cartoon. A funny meme. A throwback picture from happier times. Or just a note - hey, just checking in to see how you are. Love you.
Then I leave it. Sometimes they respond, and we have a little conversation. Sometimes they don’t. If they don’t, I just leave it there. They’ll get back to me when they’re ready.
I think your seed analogy is beautiful. When you plant a seed, you have to walk away and give it time. You can’t beg it to grow. Throwing more seeds at the ground won’t speed things up. Drowning it with more water than it needs may do more harm than good. You have to let it be. To grow on its own time.
