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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 740954" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have no expectations of my oldest son. I dont expect him to change. Since he was 18 months he showed a lack of empathy that sadly runs in my DNA. We were at the park and he was climbing the tall monkey bars. He was 18 months. A littler toddler girl was behind him. I can still remember that he gave me a wide beautiful smile then lifted his little foot and stomped on the little girls fingers. She screamed and her mother screamed too...at me, at him.</p><p></p><p>This started a disturbing pattern of kids around him getting hurt snd his insistance every time that it was an accident. Funnily he had a lot of friends, but I saw this pattern and by 8 he was in therapy. It never worked</p><p></p><p>By 20 he got in my face and svresmed at me and scared me so much that I sent him to my ex's. My ex had a chronic illness and was frail but that didnt stop Bart from shoving him and yelling at him. He was heavily into porn and took real life porn pictures too.</p><p></p><p>I hoped marriage would change him. He went quiet pretty much for ten years and my family grew. Once his wife left him that is when he came crying back to me for support as he had no friends nor did he want any. Then the custody battle began and our mutual nightmare.</p><p></p><p>Because my son, who I love, has always been this way, there was no curve in the road when he went from a loving kid to what he is today. Since he refuses therapy, medications, good health and excerise habits and never feels remorse when he has hurt somebody, I have no expectations of change and am not upset because of who he is. I feel he was born this way.</p><p></p><p>What I cant handle is his screaming and yellingbwhen I am trying to take the edge off for him so I wrote him finally that I will be happy to let him vent but that he has to be calm and kind when he spoke to me.</p><p></p><p>It did not surprise me when he somehow turned that on me, said I stressed him out with these garbage posts and said he would block me.</p><p></p><p>I dont know if he did. Or care. If he doesnt chose to at least try to be nice, I no longer can be in his space. It is up to him. I would not block him. But he needs to change how he talks to me. Or not and stay away.</p><p></p><p>Last time I demanded civility he was nice for about a year. Well, nice for HIM. But it didnt last. I dont think he knows you shouldnt talk that way to people. He always always thinks we deserve it.</p><p></p><p>No expectations is not all bad. I may get stressed talking to him but I dont take him personally. He is like this to everyone. His siblings and my husband truly want nothing to do with him. He was very abusive to Princess.</p><p></p><p>They are who they are. I feel it is best to have low to no expectations and then when or if they turn around it is a nice surprise. </p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 740954, member: 1550"] I have no expectations of my oldest son. I dont expect him to change. Since he was 18 months he showed a lack of empathy that sadly runs in my DNA. We were at the park and he was climbing the tall monkey bars. He was 18 months. A littler toddler girl was behind him. I can still remember that he gave me a wide beautiful smile then lifted his little foot and stomped on the little girls fingers. She screamed and her mother screamed too...at me, at him. This started a disturbing pattern of kids around him getting hurt snd his insistance every time that it was an accident. Funnily he had a lot of friends, but I saw this pattern and by 8 he was in therapy. It never worked By 20 he got in my face and svresmed at me and scared me so much that I sent him to my ex's. My ex had a chronic illness and was frail but that didnt stop Bart from shoving him and yelling at him. He was heavily into porn and took real life porn pictures too. I hoped marriage would change him. He went quiet pretty much for ten years and my family grew. Once his wife left him that is when he came crying back to me for support as he had no friends nor did he want any. Then the custody battle began and our mutual nightmare. Because my son, who I love, has always been this way, there was no curve in the road when he went from a loving kid to what he is today. Since he refuses therapy, medications, good health and excerise habits and never feels remorse when he has hurt somebody, I have no expectations of change and am not upset because of who he is. I feel he was born this way. What I cant handle is his screaming and yellingbwhen I am trying to take the edge off for him so I wrote him finally that I will be happy to let him vent but that he has to be calm and kind when he spoke to me. It did not surprise me when he somehow turned that on me, said I stressed him out with these garbage posts and said he would block me. I dont know if he did. Or care. If he doesnt chose to at least try to be nice, I no longer can be in his space. It is up to him. I would not block him. But he needs to change how he talks to me. Or not and stay away. Last time I demanded civility he was nice for about a year. Well, nice for HIM. But it didnt last. I dont think he knows you shouldnt talk that way to people. He always always thinks we deserve it. No expectations is not all bad. I may get stressed talking to him but I dont take him personally. He is like this to everyone. His siblings and my husband truly want nothing to do with him. He was very abusive to Princess. They are who they are. I feel it is best to have low to no expectations and then when or if they turn around it is a nice surprise. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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