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I need to be tied to the mast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740959" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>I agree. I think this is the only way to stay sane.</p><p></p><p>I am fortunate that my sons don’t really get in my face or get aggressive with me. They have their father’s anger issues, but also have enough memory of their father and enough self awareness that if I say ‘stop, listen to youself right now’ or ‘you’re scaring me right now’ they will back down right away. It’s such a weird dysfunctional family dynamic we all have. When they were younger, I would physically put myself between them and their dad when he was out of control, or lock them in their rooms and stand in front of the door. When they got to be teenagers, they would challenge him directly. Both of them have been in the position of pulling their dad off of me and protecting me as they got older. So they can still be weirdly protective. I know they think of me as weak sometimes. Neither of them wants to be their father. N has worked hard on his anger issues as well as his addictions. C still has a long way to go. But there are still lines he will not cross with me, because of our history, and I’m grateful for that at least. I think I may be the only person in his life who can say ‘stop’.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This sounds so familiar! C would rather blame his father and revisit the past than move forward. And his dad was awful, to all of us. But it is not helping him to stay stuck there. And now he blames everything and everyone else, too. He refuses to take any responsibility for his situation, or for why his friends have turned their backs on him after years of putting up with his mooching, temper, blackouts, and other dysfunctional behaviors. It’s frustrating to deal with the denials.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Copa, it is so hard, and I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now. For the pain so many of us are in. I am sorry you are finding yourself depressed today. I found myself sinking down yesterday. Today I am keeping my head above water. We are heading out to pick apples in a bit here. We went to church this morning. It is a beautiful day. We are meeting friends for dinner later. I am choosing to focus on my life, my joys. Because my sadness doesn’t do one thing to bring my lost ones closer to the light. It only makes me weaker. I hope you can find some joy today, and every day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740959, member: 23349"] I agree. I think this is the only way to stay sane. I am fortunate that my sons don’t really get in my face or get aggressive with me. They have their father’s anger issues, but also have enough memory of their father and enough self awareness that if I say ‘stop, listen to youself right now’ or ‘you’re scaring me right now’ they will back down right away. It’s such a weird dysfunctional family dynamic we all have. When they were younger, I would physically put myself between them and their dad when he was out of control, or lock them in their rooms and stand in front of the door. When they got to be teenagers, they would challenge him directly. Both of them have been in the position of pulling their dad off of me and protecting me as they got older. So they can still be weirdly protective. I know they think of me as weak sometimes. Neither of them wants to be their father. N has worked hard on his anger issues as well as his addictions. C still has a long way to go. But there are still lines he will not cross with me, because of our history, and I’m grateful for that at least. I think I may be the only person in his life who can say ‘stop’. This sounds so familiar! C would rather blame his father and revisit the past than move forward. And his dad was awful, to all of us. But it is not helping him to stay stuck there. And now he blames everything and everyone else, too. He refuses to take any responsibility for his situation, or for why his friends have turned their backs on him after years of putting up with his mooching, temper, blackouts, and other dysfunctional behaviors. It’s frustrating to deal with the denials. Copa, it is so hard, and I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now. For the pain so many of us are in. I am sorry you are finding yourself depressed today. I found myself sinking down yesterday. Today I am keeping my head above water. We are heading out to pick apples in a bit here. We went to church this morning. It is a beautiful day. We are meeting friends for dinner later. I am choosing to focus on my life, my joys. Because my sadness doesn’t do one thing to bring my lost ones closer to the light. It only makes me weaker. I hope you can find some joy today, and every day. [/QUOTE]
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