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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741345" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is a very good point, Elsi. If I knew that there was no volition on his part (pipedream) and if I knew that there was no way that I could hear from him (pipedream) I would feel differently. Because I would have REASONS that were outside of my fault, my responsibility or my control. Those mothers were innocents. They were not culpable. This is where I think I fall into the pit. I think I could have done something differently. Done better. J thinks so and when I get moored,<em> I do too.</em></p><p></p><p>I often think about the wild west. And imagining my son is a cowboy does ease the pain some--I love westerns. I think about him unpacking his bed roll (like a cowboy) and sleeping under the stars. And then some of the degradation and pathos falls away.</p><p>This is exactly the truth. And the key here is <em>I RELEASE MYSELF.</em></p><p> Yes. This is true. Who I abandon is myself.</p><p></p><p>M and I have a very dreary life where we live. Right now his Dad is in the hospital again. I have abandoned all of my self-care, pretty much. My community is not a place where I like to go to movies or out to dinner. I love to go out to dinner. But good places. M only wants Mexican food. And M does not like my movies. He only speaks Spanish. We are both just consumed by worries and by trying to dig out of the hole we fell into six years ago when my mother got sick, etc.</p><p></p><p>I never thought about this before but we are sandwiched. We are the sandwich generation. Caught between the responsibilities of dying parents and a grown man child who will not grow up. And everything that is triggered by the both.</p><p></p><p>What there is to do here for the two of us, would be camping kind of stuff. (And gardening. And house work. Which he is doing almost all of.) And we have been talking for years about getting a small RV just to go a couple of hours either to the coast or to the mountains the other way. We are in the spine of the state.</p><p></p><p> I know that if we were able to go away for a few days at a time with the animals I would feel better. We would be better. When we leave here together to go to the city we always have a good time. We take the train. We eat out. We walk and cut slips off of people's plants....That is so fun for us. Smile.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741345, member: 18958"] This is a very good point, Elsi. If I knew that there was no volition on his part (pipedream) and if I knew that there was no way that I could hear from him (pipedream) I would feel differently. Because I would have REASONS that were outside of my fault, my responsibility or my control. Those mothers were innocents. They were not culpable. This is where I think I fall into the pit. I think I could have done something differently. Done better. J thinks so and when I get moored,[I] I do too.[/I] I often think about the wild west. And imagining my son is a cowboy does ease the pain some--I love westerns. I think about him unpacking his bed roll (like a cowboy) and sleeping under the stars. And then some of the degradation and pathos falls away. This is exactly the truth. And the key here is [I]I RELEASE MYSELF.[/I] Yes. This is true. Who I abandon is myself. M and I have a very dreary life where we live. Right now his Dad is in the hospital again. I have abandoned all of my self-care, pretty much. My community is not a place where I like to go to movies or out to dinner. I love to go out to dinner. But good places. M only wants Mexican food. And M does not like my movies. He only speaks Spanish. We are both just consumed by worries and by trying to dig out of the hole we fell into six years ago when my mother got sick, etc. I never thought about this before but we are sandwiched. We are the sandwich generation. Caught between the responsibilities of dying parents and a grown man child who will not grow up. And everything that is triggered by the both. What there is to do here for the two of us, would be camping kind of stuff. (And gardening. And house work. Which he is doing almost all of.) And we have been talking for years about getting a small RV just to go a couple of hours either to the coast or to the mountains the other way. We are in the spine of the state. I know that if we were able to go away for a few days at a time with the animals I would feel better. We would be better. When we leave here together to go to the city we always have a good time. We take the train. We eat out. We walk and cut slips off of people's plants....That is so fun for us. Smile. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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