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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741356" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>For some reason I am thinking about the Buddha here. About whom I know virtually nothing.</p><p></p><p>But I do believe he was HOMELESS. I think I am remembering that he came from a wealthy and well-connected family and for some reason he came to feel that his real life, the life that was consistent with how he felt inside was to suffer on the street, degraded.</p><p></p><p>Now. I may be making this up. But this is EXACTLY what my son is doing. He is exposing himself to the elements willfully because he believes this is what he deserves, this is the manifestation of the brokenness inside of him.</p><p></p><p>I, on the other hand, did everything in my life that I could do to avoid feeling and being what my internal reality was. </p><p></p><p>That is why this is so triggering to me. It is kind of like where the rubber meets the road. And there is no more rubber.</p><p></p><p>I am doing a lot of thinking. In response to this thread.</p><p></p><p>Without very much difficulty at all, my life could be wonderful. It may be that I have tried to run from painful feelings for my whole life, but at the same time what I have done, what I have made of myself in my life are considerable. In so many ways I have become a person of integrity and personal power, despite my limits and the difficulties of my life, of all of our lives.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking that I could give myself permission to be this person that was created in the encounter of my soul in this life. I could own this person...instead of running from her. I could accept her...instead of fleeing. I could protect her instead of abandoning her.</p><p></p><p>This is where choice comes into play.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking here of you, RN. And your bible study. That is the kind of deliberate choice I am thinking about here. You could keep running from fear, but you stopped. And you decided to find community to face yourself and to face your life. I could do the same. I don't know how but I could.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741356, member: 18958"] For some reason I am thinking about the Buddha here. About whom I know virtually nothing. But I do believe he was HOMELESS. I think I am remembering that he came from a wealthy and well-connected family and for some reason he came to feel that his real life, the life that was consistent with how he felt inside was to suffer on the street, degraded. Now. I may be making this up. But this is EXACTLY what my son is doing. He is exposing himself to the elements willfully because he believes this is what he deserves, this is the manifestation of the brokenness inside of him. I, on the other hand, did everything in my life that I could do to avoid feeling and being what my internal reality was. That is why this is so triggering to me. It is kind of like where the rubber meets the road. And there is no more rubber. I am doing a lot of thinking. In response to this thread. Without very much difficulty at all, my life could be wonderful. It may be that I have tried to run from painful feelings for my whole life, but at the same time what I have done, what I have made of myself in my life are considerable. In so many ways I have become a person of integrity and personal power, despite my limits and the difficulties of my life, of all of our lives. I am thinking that I could give myself permission to be this person that was created in the encounter of my soul in this life. I could own this person...instead of running from her. I could accept her...instead of fleeing. I could protect her instead of abandoning her. This is where choice comes into play. I am thinking here of you, RN. And your bible study. That is the kind of deliberate choice I am thinking about here. You could keep running from fear, but you stopped. And you decided to find community to face yourself and to face your life. I could do the same. I don't know how but I could. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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