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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742032" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I broke down tonight and called my son's old friend H. When my son goes to the Metro 3 hours away, he stays near H. I had had no contact with my son for over a month.</p><p></p><p>H told me J is still homeless. <em>He's fine</em> (???), he said. Not working. <em>He seems to be smoking less marijuana</em>, he says. Sleeping sometimes in H's truck and other times, where, he does not know (but there is a wooded area near H's house.</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Is he dirty?</em> <em>No. He showers in a gym. I think he is going to return to your city.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>The conversation closed: <em>I am sure he will call you within an hour. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Is he there with you?</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>No. But I'll probably see him tonight.</em></p><p></p><p>There is no reason to expect that my son would have made any positive changes. He<u> is living in the street without protection or support</u> (for 4 months).</p><p></p><p>Both of us are dismayed. I told M: <em>I can't bear it if he comes back and it goes back to the way it is. And there is no reason to think anything will have changed.</em></p><p></p><p>And M responded: <em>I don't think you can bear to say "no" that he not come back.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I am relieved he is okay. In that he is not sick and taking worse drugs, apparently, and eating, and in contact with somebody who cares about him.</p><p></p><p>But I am clear as a bell that adverse circumstances, and the withdrawal of support has no effect to motivate him to make better choices. H says that J seems more stable, mature, and tethered to reality (he is not psychotic).</p><p></p><p>The way M and I left it was that I said this: <em>Any next step has got to come from J</em>. (But what in the world does this mean?)</p><p></p><p>We do not live where it is very cold. He will get very uncomfortable but there is no snow. But what do I gain from not letting him come back? These months have been very hard. But I am doing it. And if he comes back? </p><p></p><p>Except he is my son.</p><p></p><p>When he is in the other property there is the issue of the rent, and his maintaining the property, and that he is lazy and does nothing, and there is the pot. He does nothing to help himself. That is the baseline. There has been no change in years. There is no reason to have any expectation of change. If I don't push, he does nothing except smoke pot. He is nice to the neighbors and they like him. He walks around town and each day is like the last.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I can do is let it go. He will either solve this or not. I do not have solutions. I only have a house where he can live. If he pays rent, is productive, clean from drugs and living like a reasonable person. It is like M says. We are not changing here. We are still on the same plan. But the thing is, so is he.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742032, member: 18958"] I broke down tonight and called my son's old friend H. When my son goes to the Metro 3 hours away, he stays near H. I had had no contact with my son for over a month. H told me J is still homeless. [I]He's fine[/I] (???), he said. Not working. [I]He seems to be smoking less marijuana[/I], he says. Sleeping sometimes in H's truck and other times, where, he does not know (but there is a wooded area near H's house. [I] Is he dirty?[/I] [I]No. He showers in a gym. I think he is going to return to your city. [/I] The conversation closed: [I]I am sure he will call you within an hour. Is he there with you? No. But I'll probably see him tonight.[/I] There is no reason to expect that my son would have made any positive changes. He[U] is living in the street without protection or support[/U] (for 4 months). Both of us are dismayed. I told M: [I]I can't bear it if he comes back and it goes back to the way it is. And there is no reason to think anything will have changed.[/I] And M responded: [I]I don't think you can bear to say "no" that he not come back. [/I] I am relieved he is okay. In that he is not sick and taking worse drugs, apparently, and eating, and in contact with somebody who cares about him. But I am clear as a bell that adverse circumstances, and the withdrawal of support has no effect to motivate him to make better choices. H says that J seems more stable, mature, and tethered to reality (he is not psychotic). The way M and I left it was that I said this: [I]Any next step has got to come from J[/I]. (But what in the world does this mean?) We do not live where it is very cold. He will get very uncomfortable but there is no snow. But what do I gain from not letting him come back? These months have been very hard. But I am doing it. And if he comes back? Except he is my son. When he is in the other property there is the issue of the rent, and his maintaining the property, and that he is lazy and does nothing, and there is the pot. He does nothing to help himself. That is the baseline. There has been no change in years. There is no reason to have any expectation of change. If I don't push, he does nothing except smoke pot. He is nice to the neighbors and they like him. He walks around town and each day is like the last. The only thing I can do is let it go. He will either solve this or not. I do not have solutions. I only have a house where he can live. If he pays rent, is productive, clean from drugs and living like a reasonable person. It is like M says. We are not changing here. We are still on the same plan. But the thing is, so is he. [/QUOTE]
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