Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I need to be tied to the mast.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 742096" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa....since the young and even old smoke pot now and most are self sustaining and mature then pot is a personal problem for you. Or M. The truth is pot is legal in your state and many highly successful people smoke it. It is like alcohol now only less dangerous in my opinion. If this is mostly M. i would rethink giving him the heavy role he has in J's welfare. He was not there to raise him. I am sure he has affection for him, but not the Mom love you have. And that is why I told my husband that his role with my kids was as a friend and it worked well. My decisions were not based on a man I chose, that the kids had no say about bringing into their lives. He wasnt and isnt their father. He adores Jumper and Sonic, is very loving to them and appropriate with them but his decisions come from Dad love (he is there very engaged dad), not as Mom's second husband who isnt their dad.This bringing in a father figure works for many people with younger kids, to bring in a new man and give him Dad power, but this often fails with teens and that can cause division, even problems between us and our our beloved kids. We dont always want to listen to their thoughts on our kids but once we start, we do it. Now if J was going to move in with you, I think M should have to be comfortable. But on the land you bought (YOU bought) for J, in my opinion its no longer up to M in my opinion. He is not thinking factually to say pot is as dangerous as street drugs. </p><p></p><p>You say he has nine kids. Does he ask you what to do when it comes to them....or anyone in his family? Of course, they dont live with you. So there is that.</p><p></p><p>I get that he is protective which is why J in my opinion cant actually live in your house. My hub hates how Bart treats me and wishes I would just cut him off, and I get that too. But only one person can decide if I do that....myself. I am still his mother. Its not up to my husband who is and always will be the love of my life. And he doesnt insist.</p><p></p><p>Lastly, your sticking to your guns on the pot has not worked. J is getting worse. Yes, it is his choice but only if you can bear it. Thats my one person opinion anyway. He hasnt shown he will do better if you are tough on this and he is 30 now. I think it can be let up on for YOU, not for him. As you often</p><p> say this forum is for us, not to change them. I am wondering if YOU wouldnt sleep better at night to know where he is, that he lives, that you have a relationship. Maybe you can rethink M's strong role in J's life. Renogiate it. He is in this sense making you stay estranged from your son and thats not fair in my opinion. Ill bet J. has blamed him for all his misfortune. Its not true, but is all this with J being homeless working for you? What would you do if you were single?</p><p></p><p>I have no answers. These are just my thoughts and ideas. No criticsm was meant here. I like M very much. He is a good hearted soul.</p><p></p><p>But nothing changes if nothing changes.</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 742096, member: 1550"] Copa....since the young and even old smoke pot now and most are self sustaining and mature then pot is a personal problem for you. Or M. The truth is pot is legal in your state and many highly successful people smoke it. It is like alcohol now only less dangerous in my opinion. If this is mostly M. i would rethink giving him the heavy role he has in J's welfare. He was not there to raise him. I am sure he has affection for him, but not the Mom love you have. And that is why I told my husband that his role with my kids was as a friend and it worked well. My decisions were not based on a man I chose, that the kids had no say about bringing into their lives. He wasnt and isnt their father. He adores Jumper and Sonic, is very loving to them and appropriate with them but his decisions come from Dad love (he is there very engaged dad), not as Mom's second husband who isnt their dad.This bringing in a father figure works for many people with younger kids, to bring in a new man and give him Dad power, but this often fails with teens and that can cause division, even problems between us and our our beloved kids. We dont always want to listen to their thoughts on our kids but once we start, we do it. Now if J was going to move in with you, I think M should have to be comfortable. But on the land you bought (YOU bought) for J, in my opinion its no longer up to M in my opinion. He is not thinking factually to say pot is as dangerous as street drugs. You say he has nine kids. Does he ask you what to do when it comes to them....or anyone in his family? Of course, they dont live with you. So there is that. I get that he is protective which is why J in my opinion cant actually live in your house. My hub hates how Bart treats me and wishes I would just cut him off, and I get that too. But only one person can decide if I do that....myself. I am still his mother. Its not up to my husband who is and always will be the love of my life. And he doesnt insist. Lastly, your sticking to your guns on the pot has not worked. J is getting worse. Yes, it is his choice but only if you can bear it. Thats my one person opinion anyway. He hasnt shown he will do better if you are tough on this and he is 30 now. I think it can be let up on for YOU, not for him. As you often say this forum is for us, not to change them. I am wondering if YOU wouldnt sleep better at night to know where he is, that he lives, that you have a relationship. Maybe you can rethink M's strong role in J's life. Renogiate it. He is in this sense making you stay estranged from your son and thats not fair in my opinion. Ill bet J. has blamed him for all his misfortune. Its not true, but is all this with J being homeless working for you? What would you do if you were single? I have no answers. These are just my thoughts and ideas. No criticsm was meant here. I like M very much. He is a good hearted soul. But nothing changes if nothing changes. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I need to be tied to the mast.
Top