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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 742153" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Copa, I agree with SWOT - do what you can bear, what will give you the maximum peace. It’s hard when we have partners who are not our children’s parents. Sometimes we have to follow our own instincts and do what is right for our children, even if they do not agree. </p><p></p><p>And remember that this does not have to be a permanent decision. You are allowed to change you mind later. You are allowed to say this isnt working. You are allowed to change conditions at a future date. </p><p></p><p>If you can get him into medical care and mental health care that would be huge. If you can break the sense of entitlement and get him to agree to pay something towards his own upkeep maybe that’s all you can expect right now. You can grow from there. </p><p></p><p>On cleaning. Perhaps give him the option. You can pay xx a month and do the upkeep yourself. Or you can pay xxx a month and we will arrange to have someone go twice a month to clean for you. Your money, your choice. But if you say you’ll do upkeep and don’t, you’ll lose that choice and have to pay xxx, and agree to let the cleaner come in. This is an adult choice we all have to make - do something ourselves and save money, or pay someone else to do it. </p><p></p><p>On the hair - would he consider shaving his head entirely? The shaved/bald look really works for a lot of men! C lost his hair early and was very uncomfortable with the receding hairline. He was much more comfortable when he just shaved it all off. He’s naturally bald now, but has grown a really thick beard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 742153, member: 23349"] Copa, I agree with SWOT - do what you can bear, what will give you the maximum peace. It’s hard when we have partners who are not our children’s parents. Sometimes we have to follow our own instincts and do what is right for our children, even if they do not agree. And remember that this does not have to be a permanent decision. You are allowed to change you mind later. You are allowed to say this isnt working. You are allowed to change conditions at a future date. If you can get him into medical care and mental health care that would be huge. If you can break the sense of entitlement and get him to agree to pay something towards his own upkeep maybe that’s all you can expect right now. You can grow from there. On cleaning. Perhaps give him the option. You can pay xx a month and do the upkeep yourself. Or you can pay xxx a month and we will arrange to have someone go twice a month to clean for you. Your money, your choice. But if you say you’ll do upkeep and don’t, you’ll lose that choice and have to pay xxx, and agree to let the cleaner come in. This is an adult choice we all have to make - do something ourselves and save money, or pay someone else to do it. On the hair - would he consider shaving his head entirely? The shaved/bald look really works for a lot of men! C lost his hair early and was very uncomfortable with the receding hairline. He was much more comfortable when he just shaved it all off. He’s naturally bald now, but has grown a really thick beard. [/QUOTE]
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