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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 742156" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa, why does M get the final word? This is not his child. He can voice his opinion. But in my opinion the final decision is yours. He does not know how it feels to have a child on the street. Pot is legal in CA. I dont like pot but I also dont like alcohol. Should I walk away when my kids have a social drink? Of course not. Should I not attend Jumpers wedding because probably everyone will get tipsy at the very least except for myself, Hub and Sonic? Should I take my principles so far that I alienate my daughter forever? I wont even consider this.</p><p></p><p>I think perhaps M is forcing this on you and its not fair. He is not in this situation. He has a large family too. You dont. </p><p></p><p>If J lives on your property and you let him be who he us for now and your relationship gets close and loving again, you could probably talk better to him and he IS going to mature (he is lagging way behind) and if he doesnt see you as the enemy, he may listen to you more as you grow a relationship again. Do you, in your heart, accept NO relationship with J? Is that acceptable to you? I am choosing to have a not so great relationship with Bart over none and nobody has been able to influence this. I need him in my life even if nobody else understands. </p><p></p><p>I know you hate conflict. Not a fan myself. Talking about things doesnt always resolve things though. People can be stuck in their ways. M sounds kind but very stuck in his thinking. That doesnt make for good compromising. In the end, this will be up to you.</p><p></p><p>You can ask yourself if appeasing M is worth completely losing your son and having him so angry at you that he may disappear. Goneboy has been gone for fifteen years. He will never be back. My other kids and grand and hub sustain me. But your son is your only, your heart.</p><p></p><p>I thought J started out in an orphanage abroad so I guess i was confused. He still had a difficult start. </p><p></p><p>I hope you can for the first time ever consider what YOU need above even M and do it. Whatever you need, I think it should be what you do. M will get over it if he doesnt like it. Or not. This is about you and J only.</p><p></p><p>On your side all the way!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 742156, member: 1550"] Copa, why does M get the final word? This is not his child. He can voice his opinion. But in my opinion the final decision is yours. He does not know how it feels to have a child on the street. Pot is legal in CA. I dont like pot but I also dont like alcohol. Should I walk away when my kids have a social drink? Of course not. Should I not attend Jumpers wedding because probably everyone will get tipsy at the very least except for myself, Hub and Sonic? Should I take my principles so far that I alienate my daughter forever? I wont even consider this. I think perhaps M is forcing this on you and its not fair. He is not in this situation. He has a large family too. You dont. If J lives on your property and you let him be who he us for now and your relationship gets close and loving again, you could probably talk better to him and he IS going to mature (he is lagging way behind) and if he doesnt see you as the enemy, he may listen to you more as you grow a relationship again. Do you, in your heart, accept NO relationship with J? Is that acceptable to you? I am choosing to have a not so great relationship with Bart over none and nobody has been able to influence this. I need him in my life even if nobody else understands. I know you hate conflict. Not a fan myself. Talking about things doesnt always resolve things though. People can be stuck in their ways. M sounds kind but very stuck in his thinking. That doesnt make for good compromising. In the end, this will be up to you. You can ask yourself if appeasing M is worth completely losing your son and having him so angry at you that he may disappear. Goneboy has been gone for fifteen years. He will never be back. My other kids and grand and hub sustain me. But your son is your only, your heart. I thought J started out in an orphanage abroad so I guess i was confused. He still had a difficult start. I hope you can for the first time ever consider what YOU need above even M and do it. Whatever you need, I think it should be what you do. M will get over it if he doesnt like it. Or not. This is about you and J only. On your side all the way!! [/QUOTE]
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