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I need to be tied to the mast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742528" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)">My problem is this. I am suffering because my son is not following through after we spoke last week. </span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)"></span></p><p>We made a plan to meet somewhere on the train route between us. The idea was to find a way for him to come back here, if possible. To identify what have been the problems, and what could be solutions. He proposed that we meet this coming Saturday.</p><p></p><p>At first, he had proposed he come back here to talk. Which I nixed immediately. That would be an accident waiting to happen. We would fall immediately into the same big holes as before, if we did not built bridges across them, I suggested and he agreed.</p><p></p><p>The day we spoke I looked at the train schedule and I texted back to him about times, that it looked good. He has not responded. Yesterday I called him twice. He has not responded.</p><p></p><p>I am clear that I cannot chase him. Today is Friday. I will text him later today that I will not be coming on Saturday because it is unclear to me whether or not he wanted to meet, as he did not follow through.</p><p></p><p>I can think of various reasons that he did not respond. He could be pissed because I made him leave. He could not like that I was wanting to negotiate boundaries. He could be struggling with having to cede control, and wanting to use the fact that I contacted him, to re-establish dominance. All of these could be part of it.</p><p></p><p>But I struggle. Because I am worried. I am suffering. I am wondering what he is doing as it is getting cold. I worry because there are so many real needs and risks that he has that he is not addressing.</p><p></p><p>I am asking here, how do I hold this? What do I tell myself?</p><p></p><p>I know it is one day at a time. I know that I have to try to stay centered in myself. I tell myself that I took the first steps. And it cannot just be me. It was always just me. He needs to step up. That is the whole deal. He may not want to. And this is the elephant in the living room. Something I need to accept.</p><p></p><p>But this is not doing the job. I will go now to Pilates and walk the walk. How should I think about this?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742528, member: 18958"] [LEFT][COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)] My problem is this. I am suffering because my son is not following through after we spoke last week. [/COLOR][/LEFT] We made a plan to meet somewhere on the train route between us. The idea was to find a way for him to come back here, if possible. To identify what have been the problems, and what could be solutions. He proposed that we meet this coming Saturday. At first, he had proposed he come back here to talk. Which I nixed immediately. That would be an accident waiting to happen. We would fall immediately into the same big holes as before, if we did not built bridges across them, I suggested and he agreed. The day we spoke I looked at the train schedule and I texted back to him about times, that it looked good. He has not responded. Yesterday I called him twice. He has not responded. I am clear that I cannot chase him. Today is Friday. I will text him later today that I will not be coming on Saturday because it is unclear to me whether or not he wanted to meet, as he did not follow through. I can think of various reasons that he did not respond. He could be pissed because I made him leave. He could not like that I was wanting to negotiate boundaries. He could be struggling with having to cede control, and wanting to use the fact that I contacted him, to re-establish dominance. All of these could be part of it. But I struggle. Because I am worried. I am suffering. I am wondering what he is doing as it is getting cold. I worry because there are so many real needs and risks that he has that he is not addressing. I am asking here, how do I hold this? What do I tell myself? I know it is one day at a time. I know that I have to try to stay centered in myself. I tell myself that I took the first steps. And it cannot just be me. It was always just me. He needs to step up. That is the whole deal. He may not want to. And this is the elephant in the living room. Something I need to accept. But this is not doing the job. I will go now to Pilates and walk the walk. How should I think about this? [/QUOTE]
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