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Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 751452" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi and welcome.</p><p></p><p>If you read my story, you know all about the daughter I call Kay (it is not even close to her real name), her useless husband Lee (same) and my grandson Jaden (another way fake name...I am anal about nobody finding out who I am).</p><p></p><p>I can relate to all you do to try to help your daughter as I did the same. My daughter lies and steals too and is addicted to pot and maybe more. Being a faithful member of Al Anon and hearing many addiction stories, your daughter's dealings with the pawn shop, lies about returning your things, and leeching off others makes me wonder if your daughter and unwelcome partner both have serious substance abuse issues. To me, I think there are huge red flags such as stealing your opiads.</p><p></p><p>One thing I learned from experience and Al Anon is to step back and out and stop the helping and because of this I don't see the grandson from this daughter, although I do have other grandkids.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry about losing your first grandson. I can't imagine much worse. My heart aches for you. However, it does sound like your daughter had some issues even before that, and that this tragedy exasperated them. Did she or you ever go for grief counseling or therapy after this happened? Even now is not too late. Back to what is happening today...</p><p></p><p>If a person lies, that person, beloved child or not, can't be trusted. Please don't hurt yourself by making other deals with her unless you can accept willingly that she may not follow through.</p><p></p><p>Does she have access to your bank accounts or credit cards? Please don't let her. We never did give Kay access, but in Al Anon have heard of grown kids who knew and stole. Do you have any other, more trustworthy kids to look out for you or with you? A spouse or SO for support? A good therapist to teach you how to cope with such a difficult problem?</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your loss and continued pain. Please do think about taking care of yourself. You have no control over your daughter, only yourself. You can decide not to "help" her anymore. We found out after almost going broke that helping Kay does not help her. And my other kids and husband were needing my attention too, but Kay was getting almost all of it. I had to change. I have. It was very hard.</p><p></p><p>If God is in your life, lean on Him. Most of all be well. You deserve a calm life. It is; actually more peaceful for everyone with Kay throwing a fit and disowning us, more or less, for no longing paying her way.</p><p></p><p>I do worry about my grandson. Grandparents have no rights. I think Kay may get into trouble with CPS one day and, if so, many are willing to take in the little boy. Nobody is willing to help Kay and Lee.</p><p></p><p>Do take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 751452, member: 23706"] Hi and welcome. If you read my story, you know all about the daughter I call Kay (it is not even close to her real name), her useless husband Lee (same) and my grandson Jaden (another way fake name...I am anal about nobody finding out who I am). I can relate to all you do to try to help your daughter as I did the same. My daughter lies and steals too and is addicted to pot and maybe more. Being a faithful member of Al Anon and hearing many addiction stories, your daughter's dealings with the pawn shop, lies about returning your things, and leeching off others makes me wonder if your daughter and unwelcome partner both have serious substance abuse issues. To me, I think there are huge red flags such as stealing your opiads. One thing I learned from experience and Al Anon is to step back and out and stop the helping and because of this I don't see the grandson from this daughter, although I do have other grandkids. I am so sorry about losing your first grandson. I can't imagine much worse. My heart aches for you. However, it does sound like your daughter had some issues even before that, and that this tragedy exasperated them. Did she or you ever go for grief counseling or therapy after this happened? Even now is not too late. Back to what is happening today... If a person lies, that person, beloved child or not, can't be trusted. Please don't hurt yourself by making other deals with her unless you can accept willingly that she may not follow through. Does she have access to your bank accounts or credit cards? Please don't let her. We never did give Kay access, but in Al Anon have heard of grown kids who knew and stole. Do you have any other, more trustworthy kids to look out for you or with you? A spouse or SO for support? A good therapist to teach you how to cope with such a difficult problem? I am so sorry for your loss and continued pain. Please do think about taking care of yourself. You have no control over your daughter, only yourself. You can decide not to "help" her anymore. We found out after almost going broke that helping Kay does not help her. And my other kids and husband were needing my attention too, but Kay was getting almost all of it. I had to change. I have. It was very hard. If God is in your life, lean on Him. Most of all be well. You deserve a calm life. It is; actually more peaceful for everyone with Kay throwing a fit and disowning us, more or less, for no longing paying her way. I do worry about my grandson. Grandparents have no rights. I think Kay may get into trouble with CPS one day and, if so, many are willing to take in the little boy. Nobody is willing to help Kay and Lee. Do take care. [/QUOTE]
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