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I opted out - not sure how I feel
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 726383" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>sam. i feel i am in a similar place.</p><p></p><p>my son is angry with us and has said basically no contact.</p><p></p><p>the turning point was on the face of it trivial and no different from a thousand other interactions.</p><p></p><p>he resumed using pot. we told him to leave our house and property. he went to live in a sober living house. </p><p></p><p>i refused that he come to my home even to pick up his clothes.</p><p></p><p>why? i listenned to what i felt. i really really did not any longer want my home transgressed by somebody either high or in the afterglow so to speak of such a high. especially if said person is my son.</p><p></p><p>i am tired of his imposition of his rules, his manipulation, his willful wanting what he wants with our support, his drama and self-indulgence.</p><p></p><p>it has gotten to the point that i am all too willing to let others support him or not.</p><p></p><p>he can dominate his own situation. i will not fight him.</p><p></p><p>as far as i understand your situation, what's the point? you are not the problem. you do not have any solution. this is not a communication problem. it is not a failure of support. no amount of changing on your part will effect your son.</p><p></p><p>to participate in a therapeutic process would only reinforce false assumptions. </p><p></p><p>my son has always kept me peripheral to any treatment. i always thought that communication and education would help. me. </p><p></p><p>except i was wrong. the only communication my son wanted was one way. what he wanted. the only education he wanted was me to accept as right and justified, what he wants. and for me to learn to shut up and make his life easier. my only role in his mind was to serve him. silently.</p><p></p><p>i see you as catching on a decade before i did. i kept trying and trying to get him to listen and to understand how much i love him.</p><p></p><p>note to self: he knows i love him. he does not think i merit a voice in his life. he's right.</p><p></p><p>but what's good for the goose....</p><p></p><p>i do not have to let him in my space or defer to his nonsense. just as he need not partake in mine.</p><p></p><p>i agree with everybody else. let him stew in his juices. you were right to not climb in the pot. good for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 726383, member: 18958"] sam. i feel i am in a similar place. my son is angry with us and has said basically no contact. the turning point was on the face of it trivial and no different from a thousand other interactions. he resumed using pot. we told him to leave our house and property. he went to live in a sober living house. i refused that he come to my home even to pick up his clothes. why? i listenned to what i felt. i really really did not any longer want my home transgressed by somebody either high or in the afterglow so to speak of such a high. especially if said person is my son. i am tired of his imposition of his rules, his manipulation, his willful wanting what he wants with our support, his drama and self-indulgence. it has gotten to the point that i am all too willing to let others support him or not. he can dominate his own situation. i will not fight him. as far as i understand your situation, what's the point? you are not the problem. you do not have any solution. this is not a communication problem. it is not a failure of support. no amount of changing on your part will effect your son. to participate in a therapeutic process would only reinforce false assumptions. my son has always kept me peripheral to any treatment. i always thought that communication and education would help. me. except i was wrong. the only communication my son wanted was one way. what he wanted. the only education he wanted was me to accept as right and justified, what he wants. and for me to learn to shut up and make his life easier. my only role in his mind was to serve him. silently. i see you as catching on a decade before i did. i kept trying and trying to get him to listen and to understand how much i love him. note to self: he knows i love him. he does not think i merit a voice in his life. he's right. but what's good for the goose.... i do not have to let him in my space or defer to his nonsense. just as he need not partake in mine. i agree with everybody else. let him stew in his juices. you were right to not climb in the pot. good for you. [/QUOTE]
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