Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I spent the morning in tears...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 678483" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I called. I dreaded it but I did. It was what I expected - she needed money among other things. We truly cannot afford it and I told her the truth. She had a horrific accident months ago, nearly dying, and between loss of work and moving temporarily out of state to be with her, we are financially done. We cannot keep giving. I asked if she had filled out the paperwork I gave her a month ago to take care of this financial problem (before it had a chance to arise). No. She said she understood how in debt we are but then brought it up several more times, because "you're the only one I can ask, but I will be ok, I've been going without." Guilt, guilt, guilt.</p><p></p><p>I bit the bullet and asked where the idea came from that we "kicked her out." At first, she tried to avoid the discussion and tell me about all that had happened since she ended up where she is. I didn't let her off the hook. She said she never said that, it must have been a misunderstanding, she told them she "wasn't welcome in our house." <sigh> Of course she did. Not that she has major issues and we set boundaries on her coming back home; that she fully face those issues so that we could feel comfortable with her in our home. We are still the bad guy. She knows better and I just told her that we weren't even going to have that discussion bc I knew she would fly in a rage. I just reminded her that she has done that before - said things about us that weren't true - and she said no. Um...actually you did. You didn't disclose what you've done and the boundaries we set, that you would be welcome home if you met them. But it wasn't worth the argument.</p><p></p><p>She tried to make me believe she called me to let me know how she is doing and where she is because she had been apart too long and didn't want me to worry. If she didn't need something or want something, I never would have heard a word. </p><p></p><p>I kept firm and let her know what she said was not acceptable. She got irritated but didn't escalate, which is an improvement. She accepted my no. </p><p></p><p>So why do I feel so terrible? Like I should scrape up the money she needs and get it to her? If she had filled out the paperwork I gave her a month ago, this never would have happened and she would have it taken care of. She doesn't work. She has time. I just don't understand. She wants me to rescue her, but then resents the hell out of me and says I try to control everything. It is a lose-lose situation.</p><p></p><p>But I stayed strong, didn't give in, and didn't let the conversation devolve while letting her know her words had come back to me. I am going to take that as a very small victory.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 678483, member: 19905"] I called. I dreaded it but I did. It was what I expected - she needed money among other things. We truly cannot afford it and I told her the truth. She had a horrific accident months ago, nearly dying, and between loss of work and moving temporarily out of state to be with her, we are financially done. We cannot keep giving. I asked if she had filled out the paperwork I gave her a month ago to take care of this financial problem (before it had a chance to arise). No. She said she understood how in debt we are but then brought it up several more times, because "you're the only one I can ask, but I will be ok, I've been going without." Guilt, guilt, guilt. I bit the bullet and asked where the idea came from that we "kicked her out." At first, she tried to avoid the discussion and tell me about all that had happened since she ended up where she is. I didn't let her off the hook. She said she never said that, it must have been a misunderstanding, she told them she "wasn't welcome in our house." <sigh> Of course she did. Not that she has major issues and we set boundaries on her coming back home; that she fully face those issues so that we could feel comfortable with her in our home. We are still the bad guy. She knows better and I just told her that we weren't even going to have that discussion bc I knew she would fly in a rage. I just reminded her that she has done that before - said things about us that weren't true - and she said no. Um...actually you did. You didn't disclose what you've done and the boundaries we set, that you would be welcome home if you met them. But it wasn't worth the argument. She tried to make me believe she called me to let me know how she is doing and where she is because she had been apart too long and didn't want me to worry. If she didn't need something or want something, I never would have heard a word. I kept firm and let her know what she said was not acceptable. She got irritated but didn't escalate, which is an improvement. She accepted my no. So why do I feel so terrible? Like I should scrape up the money she needs and get it to her? If she had filled out the paperwork I gave her a month ago, this never would have happened and she would have it taken care of. She doesn't work. She has time. I just don't understand. She wants me to rescue her, but then resents the hell out of me and says I try to control everything. It is a lose-lose situation. But I stayed strong, didn't give in, and didn't let the conversation devolve while letting her know her words had come back to me. I am going to take that as a very small victory. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I spent the morning in tears...
Top