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Substance Abuse
I think I'm done.... I can't live a lie
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 696276" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Colleen: </p><p></p><p>I'm glad that you had a bit of an awakening recently. It's all so very hard.</p><p></p><p>I think you are wise to take away the car and money that you had been supplying. We have pulled away from our son a lot even though he is sober and in an IOP. That seems crazy to me that we are doing this sometimes BUT he still doesn't feel that he needs to be there and this makes me very angry; all the resources he has now that he is not taking advantage of. His therapist seems to thing he is finally doing work on himself but she is very young and I just don't see much of a change.</p><p></p><p>I have pulled away because I <strong>do not accept</strong> that he accepts this for himself. I pulled away because I want him to hate his life so much that HE wants to change it. I have been hearing so much from my therapist and others, like his house manager, that if he is COMFORTABLE, why is there a need to change? We have not completely detached either and never will while he is sober BUT I have changed a lot towards how I deal with him. We give him $50 per week for food and will continue to do that while he is there. If he reaches out we don't ignore him, but we are really trying to let him figure this out with very little intervention from us. If he leaves the facility before they release him then he's on his own financially. We will not support that and he knows it.</p><p></p><p>In some ways I feel like I villanize him and I feel horrible about that but I feel so much pain and anger for the past five years of my life that are lost; we have given him so much support and access to everything he could need to work through this. I feel absolutely no guilt for the situation he is in because I know, and anyone that knows us agrees, we have done everything to guide/help him. </p><p></p><p>I do feel much shame that we are in this situation. There is such a stigma attached to it in the society we live in. I do feel shame and I don't think that will ever change. </p><p></p><p>Stay strong. It's such a long and hard journey.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 696276, member: 15032"] Colleen: I'm glad that you had a bit of an awakening recently. It's all so very hard. I think you are wise to take away the car and money that you had been supplying. We have pulled away from our son a lot even though he is sober and in an IOP. That seems crazy to me that we are doing this sometimes BUT he still doesn't feel that he needs to be there and this makes me very angry; all the resources he has now that he is not taking advantage of. His therapist seems to thing he is finally doing work on himself but she is very young and I just don't see much of a change. I have pulled away because I [B]do not accept[/B] that he accepts this for himself. I pulled away because I want him to hate his life so much that HE wants to change it. I have been hearing so much from my therapist and others, like his house manager, that if he is COMFORTABLE, why is there a need to change? We have not completely detached either and never will while he is sober BUT I have changed a lot towards how I deal with him. We give him $50 per week for food and will continue to do that while he is there. If he reaches out we don't ignore him, but we are really trying to let him figure this out with very little intervention from us. If he leaves the facility before they release him then he's on his own financially. We will not support that and he knows it. In some ways I feel like I villanize him and I feel horrible about that but I feel so much pain and anger for the past five years of my life that are lost; we have given him so much support and access to everything he could need to work through this. I feel absolutely no guilt for the situation he is in because I know, and anyone that knows us agrees, we have done everything to guide/help him. I do feel much shame that we are in this situation. There is such a stigma attached to it in the society we live in. I do feel shame and I don't think that will ever change. Stay strong. It's such a long and hard journey. [/QUOTE]
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