I want to share my blessing...poem from difficult child.....

[hearthope]

Those of you that know my story know the heartache and pain I have endured for a long time..Everything that happened to my son he blamed me for. He was never diagnosis'ed with ODD but showed it by destroying our home, attacking me and husband, running from home, running from grouphome, etc.
I got this in the mail today....

"This is what I want to say"

Moma when I was little you tried to teach me right from wrong, but I wouldn't listen so now my life is like a sad song. I know I have done alot to make you mad and I want you to know it breaks my heart knowing I'm the one who made you sad. I hate to know I'm the one that caused you pain, I wish I could wash your tears away like the summer rain. There's not a day that passes that I don't pray "God let me do something to take her heartache away." All my life you've been my mother and my father, you tried to raise me right, but daddy didn't bother. You did the best you could to bring me & Courtney up on your own, no matter where we lived as long as you where there we where in a loving home. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and live the life you wanted, not the life of crime. I know I caused you sorrow and alot of shame, but I'm man enough now to admit it's my fault and take all the blame. From this day forward you'll only cry tears of joy, sometimes I wish I was still your little boy. Tell baby zoie (dog) I said hey and that everything will be ok, I will be out one day and once again we'll play. Even though right now me and you can't be together, you are still my loving mother, yesterday, today, tomorrow & forever.

My son is very artistic and he also drew me an awesome picture of my colt. He has drawn all my other horses and they are framed in the living room.

I will treasure this poem forever, I am sure I will gain strength from it in the future.


Traci

 

[Hound dog]

Traci

Beautiful. :sad:

Hugs

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Oh my.........that's absolutely beautiful.

Yes, that is something that you will gain strength from and will treasure forever.

Thanks so much for sharing.

 

[standswithcourage]

Amazing. I only hope I live to see something like that happen to me and my son. I would love to see him and his dad be friends. You are blessed.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Traci,

I could not get through that without bawling. How beautiful.

If you could, maybe type that up and print it on some beautiful paper. Frame it and hang it.

 

[DammitJanet]

Could it be the time for these boys to maybe start getting it?

I am not going to go quite as far out on the limb as and say that I am as convinced that mine is as completely healed as yours is but I do think he is headed down a path he hasnt known before.

Cory was released today for two reasons. One was the fact that they had reduced him down to as far as they could without him being able to handle thing on the outside. Its a weird county. There are screw ups in his cases and only he can deal with them on the outside and his PD wont call him while he is in jail...go figure. Number two is that he was able to get out all on his own with minimal involvement from us.

He has set some realistic goals for himself. He wants to spend massive amounts of time with his daughter. He wants to keep off of pot and says he hopes that wont be a problem considering he hasnt had any in 27 days. I have offered to attend AA or NA classes with him anytime. I think those would be good for him and may make those mandatory for the time being.

We took the baby with us to pick him up from the jail and when he saw her and she saw him, it was priceless. She let out a squeal, wiggled out of her Papa's arms and ran full tilt into her Daddys arms. Cory simply busted out crying. He had been so afraid she would forget him. I pointedly said...dont ever do this to her again. I told him...your daughter has missed you and I have cried buckets over you. What you do effects more people than just you.

He broke down and one of the guards came over and told us that he really felt that Cory had internalized some deep changes this time. He said last time he was just all bravado and bs but that this time Cory was so ashamed of what he had done to get him in there and how to change his behavior. We shall see.

All he wants right now is to take care of his little girl. He cant get enough of her. Its adorable. We cant deny him that right now. I dont blame him at all. He fed her, bathed her, changed her, gave her medication, rocked her to sleep, played with her.

Oh and one other big piece of news. That cousin of his that broke his neck...well he has arrived back home recently. He is pretty much a quad but has some use of his arms but very limited use of hands. He can use them to swipe at his face but no real control of them. He has also lost so much weight it isnt funny. He will be in a chair for life. It has scared Cory to death. Really gave him something to think about. Ryan asked Cory to go to church with him to accept the Lord into his life in case anything should happen to him. Cory has agreed to go to church with him. They say God works in mysterious ways. Maybe it took Cory going through all this and seeing all these bad things to reach out to Him.

Im praying with everything in me that this was his bottom. It will take him many years to climb back up but it can be done if he wants to put forth the effort. One step at a time.

 

[hearthope]

Janet, I hope all this turns out well. So did Cory come back to your home?

I assume he still has court to face the charges against him?
What are the possibilities he is facing? Will there be jail time or fines?

I understand your feelings about how your county is run, our's is the same way.

I have not seen my son at all. He called on three way last night to let me know that they put the jail on lockdown again and have taken away visiting.

He waived his right for an attorney and gave his statement, I did find out just this week what he had to do to request a public defender. The office of the court said he should have gotten one when he was arrested and he had no idea what to do to get one.

So, I did make that call for him.

If your Cory is home, that scares me.

My Corey stole from others and I realize that drugs played a huge role in his decision making yet, he still made the choices he knew were wrong.

He cannot ever come back home. I told him after he completes at least a year long program I would help him with getting back on his feet.

I hope you go thru this with eyes wide open. He is back in the same surroundings that he was using in. The same triggers are there. He has just not been there for a while.

Sorry to be so negative, but I just want to be honest with you


Traci

 

[DammitJanet]

Cory is here only for the weekend because the baby is here and she was so damned happy to see him. Every time he goes to walk out the door she has a screaming fit. Sigh.

When she leaves this weekend, so does he.

We are seeing some changes. Asking before doing anything. Helping around the house...yada yada.

 

[Jen]

Wow that was moving, adn must give you peace , closure, and most of all validation.

Jen

 

[rejectedmom]

Tracy, I am glad you got that acknowledgement from your difficult child. He knows you tried your darndest to give him a good life. He thanks you for your efforts and he says he's sorry for his destructive actions. Now he must put all that into his actions. I hope he takes the next leap and that this stint in jail will be his last. -RM

 

[Sunlight]

I saved several ant wrote me while he was in jail, I know at the time he wrote them, it truly came from his heart.

they know the right stuff.

we taught them well.

we just have to get them to remember that.

 

[standswithcourage]

When my son comes around sometimes I see the real person that he is and then it is something about his nerves are bad so he needs pot or pills or something. He says he wants to get drunk and we are making it hard on him not letting him come home. It upsets me because I am sick of hearing it. It consumes me when he is around. Why is that? My husband says it is because all he wants is either money or substance. He doesnt care about what anyone else has to do. that is the attitude I still see. :crazy: