Leafy, this rocked my brain. I have been thinking about it all day today. It reminded me of something similar that happened in my much younger days, when my father made it very clear to me that he had complete faith that I could make my own decisions, and further, HE WOULD ACCEPT NO LESS. It was hard, REALLY HARD, and frightening, and sometimes my choices were not at all what he wanted. But he was right, even though it didn't feel like it at the time. I wonder if it "felt" right to him, or if he had the same doubts and hurts we share? I am guessing it did hurt, even though it was a different time then, and even though it was just what parents did. But he never blinked. His separation from me was done with great love, but also great faith.
This afternoon I was driving down the road and saw a marquee that said, "The wise man is the one who remembers the times he wasn't."
How many times have I deprived my son of what could have been a memorable experience?
I realized that this has been a source of great conflict for me. I did not have the strength to do for my son what my father did for me, yet I believe it is the best thing to do for our children. I have come to believe that even more, after these years of parenting a difficult child. And it is best for us too.
I wish I had done so sooner, instead of swinging between saving him and cutting him off entirely. I wish I had paid forward that combination of great love and great faith.
