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The Watercooler
"I was married to a Narcisit, and survived, why I still love him, I don't know why?"
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 265068" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I remember being in the stage you're in, and it's very painful and very confusing. I remember that even when I was in the middle of the worst of the marriage, I didn't really want a <em>divorce</em>, I just wanted things to get better. I didn't want the family to break up, I wanted him to stop drinking, to stop raging, to stop treating me like dirt under his feet. Even though any "love" that I had ever felt for him had long since gone, being married to him was all I knew and a security of sorts, even if it was awful. It was a <em>habit</em>! Being his wife was pretty bad, but if that's not who I was, then who was I? I thought I knew how my whole life was going to play out, and then it did a turn-around on me. When I finally realized that it was NOT EVER going to get better, no matter what I did or how hard I tried, that was the turning point. He was <em>never</em> going to stop being selfish, cruel and abusive, he was <em>not</em> going to stop drinking, he was <em>never</em> going to be what I thought he was when I first married him. It was that "death of a dream" thing that was so hard to give up on, not the reality of what it <em>was</em> but giving up on what I <em>wanted it to be</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Once I wasn't his wife anymore, I had to find a whole new identity for myself, finally figure out who <em><u>I</u></em> was and what <u><em>I</em></u> wanted. And I can honestly tell you, I have never been happier or more satisfied in my life than I have been once I finally made that big break and finally detached myself mentally from that horrible relationship! The "unknown" is always the scariest thing, but it does get better - I promise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 265068, member: 1883"] I remember being in the stage you're in, and it's very painful and very confusing. I remember that even when I was in the middle of the worst of the marriage, I didn't really want a [I]divorce[/I], I just wanted things to get better. I didn't want the family to break up, I wanted him to stop drinking, to stop raging, to stop treating me like dirt under his feet. Even though any "love" that I had ever felt for him had long since gone, being married to him was all I knew and a security of sorts, even if it was awful. It was a [I]habit[/I]! Being his wife was pretty bad, but if that's not who I was, then who was I? I thought I knew how my whole life was going to play out, and then it did a turn-around on me. When I finally realized that it was NOT EVER going to get better, no matter what I did or how hard I tried, that was the turning point. He was [I]never[/I] going to stop being selfish, cruel and abusive, he was [I]not[/I] going to stop drinking, he was [I]never[/I] going to be what I thought he was when I first married him. It was that "death of a dream" thing that was so hard to give up on, not the reality of what it [I]was[/I] but giving up on what I [I]wanted it to be[/I]. Once I wasn't his wife anymore, I had to find a whole new identity for myself, finally figure out who [I][U]I[/U][/I] was and what [U][I]I[/I][/U] wanted. And I can honestly tell you, I have never been happier or more satisfied in my life than I have been once I finally made that big break and finally detached myself mentally from that horrible relationship! The "unknown" is always the scariest thing, but it does get better - I promise. [/QUOTE]
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"I was married to a Narcisit, and survived, why I still love him, I don't know why?"
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