Cedar, I am always appreciate your honesty in saying this. I sometimes feel trapped by the assertions on the forum that we all love our kids. I am not sure I love my difficult child. For a long time I felt terribly responsible for him, in an almost holy way. Then the power of anger and fear felt a lot like the power of love. With those feelings receding....I am not sure there is much left, except a little sadness, and a little repugnance. I don't want to have to say I love him.
It isn't crummy. It is real. I agree with you that the concept of mother love comes in large part from the world of mothers who weren't challenged as we have been.
More anon.
Echo
