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Family of Origin
Identity after realizing you have no real FOO (Family of Origin). My thoughts.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660936" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Now that I have officially decided not to even know what FOO is doing by letting go of even looking at anything from their social media, I almost feel like they are not real. They are so far from me. My identity gets stronger and I stop thinking about the past when they are totally gone. TOTALLY gone, that is. I can't cheat by looking at what they are doing by social media or asking my father what t hey are up to. In fact, he has respected my wishes and not spoken of them to me.</p><p></p><p>I have a strong identity, but it seems to meld away the minute even a little drama from FOO comes back and I'm there being thirteen again and feeling small, worthless and bad. My only defense against them is to live as if they are not there and for me they aren't. </p><p></p><p>Try this: Define yourself in three words. I had to do this in therapy. My words were creative, sensitive a nd compassionate. You can probably do it pretty quickly too. That tells you who you identify as being. Your strongest traits. </p><p></p><p>I have deliberately built a peaceful family for myself and love peace and serenity. I no longer allow drama queens into my life...DNA collections, strangers who want to be friends, anyone. If you say DRAMA I say NO.</p><p></p><p>I have learned our more elaborate identities are what we are and what we do. For example, I'm an animal lover who is very creative, loves to write, read and tell goofy jokes. I like to run to blow off stress. Although I can be alone, I also do like to talk to people. I thought I was an introvert, b ut more and more, after reading, realize I'm am ambivert. My famimly (my MADE family) is everything to me. I'd die for t hem. I enjoy working, volunteering and I love to help others. It makes me feel good inside. I am bad at conflict and do best avoiding it altogether. I have a mood disorder and some trauma issues, which are usually under control. And I happen to not have a FOO who loves me. Oh, well. They have marked me as the bad guy since I've been little and I don't need them or want them. Like an addict sometimes I want to engage them, but I can't. I'll bet if you write it out, you'll see you are a strong identity too...something that has nothing to do with who you were born to.</p><p></p><p>Stay positive. Avoid people w ho trigger your fears and make you feel small. Count your blessings.</p><p></p><p>Those who decide we are "bad" are the losers, not us. We aren't the ones tossing people out of our lives, and it's not as if those who do it are so wonderfully easy to get along with.</p><p></p><p>Have a good day. Glad this thread came up again when I'm over my blip of trauma with FOO.</p><p></p><p>The best part of it is that when somebody is totally out of your life, they have no control over what you do. They can't control or manipulate your feelings or cause guilt. I feel very free.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660936, member: 1550"] Now that I have officially decided not to even know what FOO is doing by letting go of even looking at anything from their social media, I almost feel like they are not real. They are so far from me. My identity gets stronger and I stop thinking about the past when they are totally gone. TOTALLY gone, that is. I can't cheat by looking at what they are doing by social media or asking my father what t hey are up to. In fact, he has respected my wishes and not spoken of them to me. I have a strong identity, but it seems to meld away the minute even a little drama from FOO comes back and I'm there being thirteen again and feeling small, worthless and bad. My only defense against them is to live as if they are not there and for me they aren't. Try this: Define yourself in three words. I had to do this in therapy. My words were creative, sensitive a nd compassionate. You can probably do it pretty quickly too. That tells you who you identify as being. Your strongest traits. I have deliberately built a peaceful family for myself and love peace and serenity. I no longer allow drama queens into my life...DNA collections, strangers who want to be friends, anyone. If you say DRAMA I say NO. I have learned our more elaborate identities are what we are and what we do. For example, I'm an animal lover who is very creative, loves to write, read and tell goofy jokes. I like to run to blow off stress. Although I can be alone, I also do like to talk to people. I thought I was an introvert, b ut more and more, after reading, realize I'm am ambivert. My famimly (my MADE family) is everything to me. I'd die for t hem. I enjoy working, volunteering and I love to help others. It makes me feel good inside. I am bad at conflict and do best avoiding it altogether. I have a mood disorder and some trauma issues, which are usually under control. And I happen to not have a FOO who loves me. Oh, well. They have marked me as the bad guy since I've been little and I don't need them or want them. Like an addict sometimes I want to engage them, but I can't. I'll bet if you write it out, you'll see you are a strong identity too...something that has nothing to do with who you were born to. Stay positive. Avoid people w ho trigger your fears and make you feel small. Count your blessings. Those who decide we are "bad" are the losers, not us. We aren't the ones tossing people out of our lives, and it's not as if those who do it are so wonderfully easy to get along with. Have a good day. Glad this thread came up again when I'm over my blip of trauma with FOO. The best part of it is that when somebody is totally out of your life, they have no control over what you do. They can't control or manipulate your feelings or cause guilt. I feel very free. [/QUOTE]
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Identity after realizing you have no real FOO (Family of Origin). My thoughts.
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