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Parent Emeritus
"If Things Don't Get Better This Year, I Will Kill Myself"
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 755106" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear ChickPea</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry this is so hard. The others have made good points. This is serious. It can be a felony crime to make this kind of violent threat. I think that this can't be ignored or minimized.</p><p></p><p>Many of our kids threaten to kill themselves. While it could always happen, in my son's case, I see it as a kind of (very poor) coping strategy. This even more than manipulative. Because he knows now he will just get me very mad and I might even call the cops if he says it. I think when he feels trapped and powerless and doesn't know what to do, or doesn't want to do what he must, he thinks about exiting altogether. For my son, so far, it's momentary and not serious. For your daughter, who knows?</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, how can you operate from this fear? How do you control what she does or could do? How can you act from this place, when there is so much more at stake, over which you do have control?</p><p>From everything you've written since you've been on this forum, I hope very much you go ahead with filing for full custody.</p><p></p><p>I can understand your fear. But you may get your daughter's attention by acting decisively to protect her baby <em>and yourself</em>.. She may get a wake up call. Nothing else has reached her. </p><p></p><p>There is a reality here. She would be a horrible mother to her child, at this point, given who she is and how she lives. She toys with him. She is indifferent to his welfare. She is living in a fantasy land part time and a degraded drug-fueled haze, the other part. To play along with her any longer is to indulge her.</p><p></p><p>The reality is that she is incapable and unequipped to care for, even for an afternoon, her baby. She can't take care of herself. Or won't. This is the reality. She needs to see it. She needs to be faced with real world consequences. But she can't be the point. She needs to be her own point. You can't do it.</p><p></p><p>The baby has to be the point. Your point.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter can't be the basis of your decision. You can't protect her. She needs to learn to do that for herself. This begins with baby steps. Not with real babies.</p><p></p><p>I hope so much you file for complete, full, permanent custody of the baby. The baby needs to be protected. You need to be protected. I have no ambivalence whatsoever about this.</p><p></p><p>You put in bold type her own suicide threat. What about the threats against your lives? Why is that not in bold? People don't get to threaten lives. Even children to parents. You are the only ones holding this together. I don't know Chickpea. I think there needs to be full custody,<em> and a restraining order </em>needs to be considered. She's escalating.</p><p></p><p>I would go to the attorney ASAP.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 755106, member: 18958"] Dear ChickPea I'm sorry this is so hard. The others have made good points. This is serious. It can be a felony crime to make this kind of violent threat. I think that this can't be ignored or minimized. Many of our kids threaten to kill themselves. While it could always happen, in my son's case, I see it as a kind of (very poor) coping strategy. This even more than manipulative. Because he knows now he will just get me very mad and I might even call the cops if he says it. I think when he feels trapped and powerless and doesn't know what to do, or doesn't want to do what he must, he thinks about exiting altogether. For my son, so far, it's momentary and not serious. For your daughter, who knows? But the thing is, how can you operate from this fear? How do you control what she does or could do? How can you act from this place, when there is so much more at stake, over which you do have control? From everything you've written since you've been on this forum, I hope very much you go ahead with filing for full custody. I can understand your fear. But you may get your daughter's attention by acting decisively to protect her baby [I]and yourself[/I].. She may get a wake up call. Nothing else has reached her. There is a reality here. She would be a horrible mother to her child, at this point, given who she is and how she lives. She toys with him. She is indifferent to his welfare. She is living in a fantasy land part time and a degraded drug-fueled haze, the other part. To play along with her any longer is to indulge her. The reality is that she is incapable and unequipped to care for, even for an afternoon, her baby. She can't take care of herself. Or won't. This is the reality. She needs to see it. She needs to be faced with real world consequences. But she can't be the point. She needs to be her own point. You can't do it. The baby has to be the point. Your point. Your daughter can't be the basis of your decision. You can't protect her. She needs to learn to do that for herself. This begins with baby steps. Not with real babies. I hope so much you file for complete, full, permanent custody of the baby. The baby needs to be protected. You need to be protected. I have no ambivalence whatsoever about this. You put in bold type her own suicide threat. What about the threats against your lives? Why is that not in bold? People don't get to threaten lives. Even children to parents. You are the only ones holding this together. I don't know Chickpea. I think there needs to be full custody,[I] and a restraining order [/I]needs to be considered. She's escalating. I would go to the attorney ASAP. [/QUOTE]
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"If Things Don't Get Better This Year, I Will Kill Myself"
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