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I'm afraid of my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 114313" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Ah - the negative projection based on current events, puke in the bucket moment. </p><p></p><p>yeah - I remember feeling what you do. My son isn't BiPolar (BP) - but I also got the ticking time bomb feeling, I couldn't watch an episode of court tv or anything like that for fear of putting MY son in place of (name the criminal). </p><p></p><p>And then I'd teeter from those feelings (like I was living with a potential murderer) to thoughts of having to stop driving past places like Salvation Army and seeing the men/young men walking out into the cold morning air, with backpacks on, or thinking - he'll just end up on the street,penniless begging for money for food - a hobo, he'll never get an education, he'll be cold in the winter, probably turn to drugs or drinking, he's going to fail and I'll always wonder where he is, how he's getting a meal, and he'll blame ME for it all despite all my efforts. </p><p></p><p>When I made that statement in my tdocs office - he said "Time to learn HOW to detach and have a life." and I thought - MY GOD MAN HOW SELFISH!!!! I was furious - and he said "I know you are furious, but you have a choice - either make a decision today that this is what you are going to do for the rest of YOUR life and his, and by doing so...actually RUIN his chances to be independent OR take a stand today and say enough is enough and force him to have a life of his own - yeah, maybe NOT the life YOU pictured for him, but it will be HIS life - and you? You can get on with yours." </p><p></p><p>I cried I swear for 3 days with all the pictures above in my head just whirling around. I couldn't even listen to music it made me so sad. I kept thinking - I've raised him for 17 years and he's not right- and now? NOW I'm being told I have to push him out or I make it worse for HIM? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT MY MOM HEART? DOESN'T ANYTHING I'Ve done for the last 17 years count? </p><p></p><p>Yes, it does- it counts towards you've done the best job you could do- and you couldn't do any better or you would have. And f you truly want what is BEST for your son - you'll put him out. He will find his way. You don't have to put him out in the street, there are alternatives - like Group homes - talk to the school guidance counselor for your DISTRICT that is in charge of the Sped programs. Go to the top - don't dink around with the teachers etc. Call the district office and ask to speak to the person/Dr. In charge of Special Education and ASK for an appointment to speak in person. Not just a phone call - get your thoughts together. Also call Mental Health, Department of Disabilities and Special Needs - </p><p></p><p>If you tell us what area you live in - we probably have someone here that can PM you with information about places you need to be looking at. </p><p></p><p>paris - it's okay. Really. If you don't do this now - he's going to be 50, looking to you for all his needs, money, home and food - if you push him - he'll figure it out. Really. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry his moods are not stable, but I kinda think it sounds like he's using drugs too. If that's the case - he needs to go NOW. And you can speak with a detective at the police station for victims assistance - sometimes they are a wealth of resources. </p><p></p><p>Also - get a plan together that gets YOU out of the house in case he is dangerous. </p><p></p><p>No one should ever live in a home they are afraid to live in. You may want to contact a womens shelter or 800 hot line for some advice or someone to talk to as well. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 114313, member: 4964"] Ah - the negative projection based on current events, puke in the bucket moment. yeah - I remember feeling what you do. My son isn't BiPolar (BP) - but I also got the ticking time bomb feeling, I couldn't watch an episode of court tv or anything like that for fear of putting MY son in place of (name the criminal). And then I'd teeter from those feelings (like I was living with a potential murderer) to thoughts of having to stop driving past places like Salvation Army and seeing the men/young men walking out into the cold morning air, with backpacks on, or thinking - he'll just end up on the street,penniless begging for money for food - a hobo, he'll never get an education, he'll be cold in the winter, probably turn to drugs or drinking, he's going to fail and I'll always wonder where he is, how he's getting a meal, and he'll blame ME for it all despite all my efforts. When I made that statement in my tdocs office - he said "Time to learn HOW to detach and have a life." and I thought - MY GOD MAN HOW SELFISH!!!! I was furious - and he said "I know you are furious, but you have a choice - either make a decision today that this is what you are going to do for the rest of YOUR life and his, and by doing so...actually RUIN his chances to be independent OR take a stand today and say enough is enough and force him to have a life of his own - yeah, maybe NOT the life YOU pictured for him, but it will be HIS life - and you? You can get on with yours." I cried I swear for 3 days with all the pictures above in my head just whirling around. I couldn't even listen to music it made me so sad. I kept thinking - I've raised him for 17 years and he's not right- and now? NOW I'm being told I have to push him out or I make it worse for HIM? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT MY MOM HEART? DOESN'T ANYTHING I'Ve done for the last 17 years count? Yes, it does- it counts towards you've done the best job you could do- and you couldn't do any better or you would have. And f you truly want what is BEST for your son - you'll put him out. He will find his way. You don't have to put him out in the street, there are alternatives - like Group homes - talk to the school guidance counselor for your DISTRICT that is in charge of the Sped programs. Go to the top - don't dink around with the teachers etc. Call the district office and ask to speak to the person/Dr. In charge of Special Education and ASK for an appointment to speak in person. Not just a phone call - get your thoughts together. Also call Mental Health, Department of Disabilities and Special Needs - If you tell us what area you live in - we probably have someone here that can PM you with information about places you need to be looking at. paris - it's okay. Really. If you don't do this now - he's going to be 50, looking to you for all his needs, money, home and food - if you push him - he'll figure it out. Really. I'm sorry his moods are not stable, but I kinda think it sounds like he's using drugs too. If that's the case - he needs to go NOW. And you can speak with a detective at the police station for victims assistance - sometimes they are a wealth of resources. Also - get a plan together that gets YOU out of the house in case he is dangerous. No one should ever live in a home they are afraid to live in. You may want to contact a womens shelter or 800 hot line for some advice or someone to talk to as well. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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