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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651926" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is probably the issue. Almost all kids who were in foster care have it. Cruelty to animals, likeing fire, and peeing and pooing inappropriately are big red flags. This is almost impossible to treat. I had a child who had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and he ended up sexually abusing my younger kids and had to leave. He did not do much better in his special residential facilities.</p><p></p><p>Just to be safe, I'd never leave him alone with animals or younger kids and put an alarm on his door at night so you know when he's leaving the room. You may want to get a surveillance camera too so you can see what he REALLY does when you're not there.</p><p></p><p>You don't want to live our nightmare. Our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kid came at 11 and was so charming and friendly to adults that he had no bad diagnosis at all when he first arrived and he fooled us for years, all the while sexually abusing our younger kids and terrifying them into silence. We had no clue. We are smarter now. All I can say is, foster care is not a good place to adopt a child from. It is always best to adopt as young a child as you can. The more they were in foster care, the worse they get. They start to stop trusting anyone and don't develop a conscience. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and CD have about the same symtpoms...no conscience.</p><p></p><p>Be very careful and good luck. You need to accept that your son will probably not get better, medications won't help, and that he may be safer and you may be safer if he does not live in your house. The sad facts of foster care. We did give the sexual predator back. There are dealbreakers to living in our family and he crossed all the lines. Other people, including us, could not be hurt. And, trust me, this child did NOT miss us. When asked he said, "I miss the toys and money."</p><p></p><p>It is definitely an option to also parent him out of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Not all kids can live at home and not all foster kids can be fixed. It is a difficult decision (although for us it was a no-brainer). However, you have to decide how much you are willing to take and how much better he is actually getting. He may do better away from home. Many Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids plain don't understand love and don't want it and don't respond well to it and hurt people who try to love them, like our child. I am relieved he is gone.</p><p></p><p>We had another Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) expereince that was less dramatic, but also heartwrenching. We adopted a six year old from another country who was a very good, law abiding smart boy, but as soon as he became an adult he said, "You're not my family" and we have not seen him for eight years. He won't let us even text him. We are blocked from his life.</p><p></p><p>Adoption is best (we have done it right three times) when the babies are infants and have not been abused in the system, either here or abroad. Babies need love and nurturing their first three years to develop normally or their brain wiring becomes abnormal...they become emotionally failure to thrive. There is a world of difference between my infant adoptees, my one biological son, and those we adopted at six and eleven. The older kids were not feeling the love that we felt and we had to let them go.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you can do to wipe out his past, before he came to you, and there is nothing you can do about what may be his future. Even if he lives with you, stealing and abusing animals and people and you, he very well could end up in prison. It does not sound as if he is changing for the better. Don't feel bad. This is not abnormal for foster/adopted children. We are usually more attached to them then they are to us.</p><p></p><p>My final .02 is that nobody should be afraid in their own home.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and hoping to send you strength.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651926, member: 1550"] This is probably the issue. Almost all kids who were in foster care have it. Cruelty to animals, likeing fire, and peeing and pooing inappropriately are big red flags. This is almost impossible to treat. I had a child who had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and he ended up sexually abusing my younger kids and had to leave. He did not do much better in his special residential facilities. Just to be safe, I'd never leave him alone with animals or younger kids and put an alarm on his door at night so you know when he's leaving the room. You may want to get a surveillance camera too so you can see what he REALLY does when you're not there. You don't want to live our nightmare. Our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kid came at 11 and was so charming and friendly to adults that he had no bad diagnosis at all when he first arrived and he fooled us for years, all the while sexually abusing our younger kids and terrifying them into silence. We had no clue. We are smarter now. All I can say is, foster care is not a good place to adopt a child from. It is always best to adopt as young a child as you can. The more they were in foster care, the worse they get. They start to stop trusting anyone and don't develop a conscience. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and CD have about the same symtpoms...no conscience. Be very careful and good luck. You need to accept that your son will probably not get better, medications won't help, and that he may be safer and you may be safer if he does not live in your house. The sad facts of foster care. We did give the sexual predator back. There are dealbreakers to living in our family and he crossed all the lines. Other people, including us, could not be hurt. And, trust me, this child did NOT miss us. When asked he said, "I miss the toys and money." It is definitely an option to also parent him out of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Not all kids can live at home and not all foster kids can be fixed. It is a difficult decision (although for us it was a no-brainer). However, you have to decide how much you are willing to take and how much better he is actually getting. He may do better away from home. Many Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids plain don't understand love and don't want it and don't respond well to it and hurt people who try to love them, like our child. I am relieved he is gone. We had another Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) expereince that was less dramatic, but also heartwrenching. We adopted a six year old from another country who was a very good, law abiding smart boy, but as soon as he became an adult he said, "You're not my family" and we have not seen him for eight years. He won't let us even text him. We are blocked from his life. Adoption is best (we have done it right three times) when the babies are infants and have not been abused in the system, either here or abroad. Babies need love and nurturing their first three years to develop normally or their brain wiring becomes abnormal...they become emotionally failure to thrive. There is a world of difference between my infant adoptees, my one biological son, and those we adopted at six and eleven. The older kids were not feeling the love that we felt and we had to let them go. There is nothing you can do to wipe out his past, before he came to you, and there is nothing you can do about what may be his future. Even if he lives with you, stealing and abusing animals and people and you, he very well could end up in prison. It does not sound as if he is changing for the better. Don't feel bad. This is not abnormal for foster/adopted children. We are usually more attached to them then they are to us. My final .02 is that nobody should be afraid in their own home. Hugs and hoping to send you strength. [/QUOTE]
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