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Im falling into my same routine.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 683335" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Soooo tired, I am sorry that you had this altercation with your daughter's boyfriend. I think many times we think talking and telling is going to change things. 99% of the time it does not. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>In reading your post, it comes down to this, what you wrote. Let me tell you: You are absolutely no match for any kind of mental illness. I'm no match for it. Nobody is, even the professionals. It is impossible to deal with someone or multiple someones in a logical manner when they are not logical in their thinking and their behavior. We keep trying, but it never, ever works. </p><p></p><p>So, what to do? If you need to call CPS about your grandson, and only you know the specifics of that, then call them. Stop the talk about it. Act or don't act. </p><p></p><p>We get caught up in the drama and the tornado ourselves, and we don't know how to stop and remove ourselves from the whirling winds. That is our first step. Like SWOT said, stop talking. Stop talking and reasoning and arguing with people who aren't logical. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is 100 percent true. This is not about them. This is about you. They are going to do whatever they will do, and as long as you are reacting to everything they do or don't do, you are giving them all of the power. Think about it: You are giving your own power to people who can't manage their own lives. </p><p></p><p>That doesn't make any sense, and I understand why we do it, and we all do it or did it for a long long time until we learned how to stop. </p><p></p><p>You have to learn new ways of thinking and behaving. Ask yourself this: How much time am I spending every single day---every day---working on me? It has to be approached like you are approaching a college course. You have to study every day. You have to go to meetings, read literature, write in a journal, go to therapy, get a sponsor, write a gratitude list, etc. You have to work a program. That is what working a program is.</p><p></p><p>And if your daughter is ever to change, she will have to work some sort of similar program that teaches her how to do life differently.</p><p></p><p>Them and us. It's the same thing. We are as sick as they are. We have to work hard to change, just like they have to work hard to change.</p><p></p><p>If we don't do the work, nothing changes. Please know we so understand the hurt and fear and helplessness and guilt and shame you are feeling. I have felt every one of those emotions for long periods of time about Difficult Child. Until I finally got sick and tired enough to start doing something different every single day, even when it didn't seem to make any difference and I didn't "get it", I kept on doing it because the old ways just plain did not work. </p><p></p><p>Start today. Make a commitment to YOU. You are worth it. You have done the best you could always, not perfectly, but your best. Now, it's time to turn your energy onto yourself and away from people you can't control and never could control anyway. Hang in there. We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 683335, member: 17542"] Soooo tired, I am sorry that you had this altercation with your daughter's boyfriend. I think many times we think talking and telling is going to change things. 99% of the time it does not. In reading your post, it comes down to this, what you wrote. Let me tell you: You are absolutely no match for any kind of mental illness. I'm no match for it. Nobody is, even the professionals. It is impossible to deal with someone or multiple someones in a logical manner when they are not logical in their thinking and their behavior. We keep trying, but it never, ever works. So, what to do? If you need to call CPS about your grandson, and only you know the specifics of that, then call them. Stop the talk about it. Act or don't act. We get caught up in the drama and the tornado ourselves, and we don't know how to stop and remove ourselves from the whirling winds. That is our first step. Like SWOT said, stop talking. Stop talking and reasoning and arguing with people who aren't logical. This is 100 percent true. This is not about them. This is about you. They are going to do whatever they will do, and as long as you are reacting to everything they do or don't do, you are giving them all of the power. Think about it: You are giving your own power to people who can't manage their own lives. That doesn't make any sense, and I understand why we do it, and we all do it or did it for a long long time until we learned how to stop. You have to learn new ways of thinking and behaving. Ask yourself this: How much time am I spending every single day---every day---working on me? It has to be approached like you are approaching a college course. You have to study every day. You have to go to meetings, read literature, write in a journal, go to therapy, get a sponsor, write a gratitude list, etc. You have to work a program. That is what working a program is. And if your daughter is ever to change, she will have to work some sort of similar program that teaches her how to do life differently. Them and us. It's the same thing. We are as sick as they are. We have to work hard to change, just like they have to work hard to change. If we don't do the work, nothing changes. Please know we so understand the hurt and fear and helplessness and guilt and shame you are feeling. I have felt every one of those emotions for long periods of time about Difficult Child. Until I finally got sick and tired enough to start doing something different every single day, even when it didn't seem to make any difference and I didn't "get it", I kept on doing it because the old ways just plain did not work. Start today. Make a commitment to YOU. You are worth it. You have done the best you could always, not perfectly, but your best. Now, it's time to turn your energy onto yourself and away from people you can't control and never could control anyway. Hang in there. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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Im falling into my same routine.....
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