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I'm losing my mind with grief tonight
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<blockquote data-quote="mom_to_3" data-source="post: 638005" data-attributes="member: 30"><p>GM, the other ladies have given you good advice that you should follow. I understand somewhat of how you are feeling. We had to have our then 16 yr. old daughter removed from our home. I experienced many of the same feelings that you are. To me, the only way I could express what I was feeling is that it felt as if my daughter had died. I was morning what had been and what I had hoped for. It's not easy and it is going to take a while for you to process what has happened in your relationship with your daughter and the hopes and dreams you had for her and for you two together. It is a death of sorts, a death of unhealthy living.</p><p></p><p>You did not, nor are you now harming your daughter. YOU did not make this happen even if you weren't the best mother you could be. I would say 99.9% of us are not the perfect parent we wish we could be. Everyone has things they are not proud of and had hoped they would have acted in a different way.</p><p></p><p>The LOVING thing you did for your daughter, and don't ever forget that this is a gift you gave her, is to call the police or have her admitted in the hospital. I don't know your whole story, but she is RIGHT where she needs to be. You need not feel an ounce of pain or hurt. You love your daughter, this is EXACTLY where she needs to be, so that she can get the help she needs to lead a healthy life.</p><p>She may cry and scream and tell you all kinds of horrible things, because she knows that you will feel badly and rescue her. Do not do it! Allow your daughter to receive the help she needs so that she can grow into a healthy productive adult that respects the bounderies of others and shows her mother the respect you deserve.</p><p></p><p>Use this time to grieve the loss of the unhealthy relationship with your daughter, no matter how comfortable that "known" relationship may be to you. Take time to examine why you want to go back to that, and think very hard about all the things you did to make a good life for the both of you and how you DO deserve to be respected. Think about how you are her mother, the breadwinner of the family, how you own EVERYTHING there and how YOU are the one that decides what you do with your life.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter does not respect you for what ever reason. You've said you fear for your life around her. Why in the world would you want for her to come back?! You must know this is unhealthy! You know you are having a hard time functioning now while your life has changed. You need to see your doctor most likely for some medications to settle down, so that you can think reasonably and make sound, safe decisions for your life. Sound decisions that include disallowing your daughter back into your home. You need to find a support group along with us to give you strength and guidance, to hold your hand through this time in your life. You need to find new purpose for your life. Are there volunteer opportunities in your area you could participate in, do you have hobbies you are interested in? Anything to occupy your mind and give you a sense of peace and purpose?</p><p></p><p>Now that your daughter is out of your home, it is time to make some rules that you both have to live by. You should NEVER, EVER waiver from your rules. I would make it a priority that she cannot come home when she gets out of the hospital. The social workers there can help set her up with housing and supports. They cannot not realease her onto the street. You can insist that for the first 6 months your visits in person be with a mediator present. Your daughter should not visit you at your home, you should have a restraining order in place. This is for your protection and also so that your daughter gets the message that she does not get to bully you any more.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter may have mental health issues, but they are not your fault! She is in the hospital now to getting a diagnosis, medications if needed and a life set up for her. This is a blessing! and you should look at it that way.</p><p></p><p>I wish you peace GM, I wish you healing and I wish you a heart and eyes to see that you have been given an opportunity for a new life and a new relationship with your daughter. You don't have to live that fearful, scary life any longer. Hold your head high and believe you deserve all the good things life has to offer and much happiness. Make it happen!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mom_to_3, post: 638005, member: 30"] GM, the other ladies have given you good advice that you should follow. I understand somewhat of how you are feeling. We had to have our then 16 yr. old daughter removed from our home. I experienced many of the same feelings that you are. To me, the only way I could express what I was feeling is that it felt as if my daughter had died. I was morning what had been and what I had hoped for. It's not easy and it is going to take a while for you to process what has happened in your relationship with your daughter and the hopes and dreams you had for her and for you two together. It is a death of sorts, a death of unhealthy living. You did not, nor are you now harming your daughter. YOU did not make this happen even if you weren't the best mother you could be. I would say 99.9% of us are not the perfect parent we wish we could be. Everyone has things they are not proud of and had hoped they would have acted in a different way. The LOVING thing you did for your daughter, and don't ever forget that this is a gift you gave her, is to call the police or have her admitted in the hospital. I don't know your whole story, but she is RIGHT where she needs to be. You need not feel an ounce of pain or hurt. You love your daughter, this is EXACTLY where she needs to be, so that she can get the help she needs to lead a healthy life. She may cry and scream and tell you all kinds of horrible things, because she knows that you will feel badly and rescue her. Do not do it! Allow your daughter to receive the help she needs so that she can grow into a healthy productive adult that respects the bounderies of others and shows her mother the respect you deserve. Use this time to grieve the loss of the unhealthy relationship with your daughter, no matter how comfortable that "known" relationship may be to you. Take time to examine why you want to go back to that, and think very hard about all the things you did to make a good life for the both of you and how you DO deserve to be respected. Think about how you are her mother, the breadwinner of the family, how you own EVERYTHING there and how YOU are the one that decides what you do with your life. Your daughter does not respect you for what ever reason. You've said you fear for your life around her. Why in the world would you want for her to come back?! You must know this is unhealthy! You know you are having a hard time functioning now while your life has changed. You need to see your doctor most likely for some medications to settle down, so that you can think reasonably and make sound, safe decisions for your life. Sound decisions that include disallowing your daughter back into your home. You need to find a support group along with us to give you strength and guidance, to hold your hand through this time in your life. You need to find new purpose for your life. Are there volunteer opportunities in your area you could participate in, do you have hobbies you are interested in? Anything to occupy your mind and give you a sense of peace and purpose? Now that your daughter is out of your home, it is time to make some rules that you both have to live by. You should NEVER, EVER waiver from your rules. I would make it a priority that she cannot come home when she gets out of the hospital. The social workers there can help set her up with housing and supports. They cannot not realease her onto the street. You can insist that for the first 6 months your visits in person be with a mediator present. Your daughter should not visit you at your home, you should have a restraining order in place. This is for your protection and also so that your daughter gets the message that she does not get to bully you any more. Your daughter may have mental health issues, but they are not your fault! She is in the hospital now to getting a diagnosis, medications if needed and a life set up for her. This is a blessing! and you should look at it that way. I wish you peace GM, I wish you healing and I wish you a heart and eyes to see that you have been given an opportunity for a new life and a new relationship with your daughter. You don't have to live that fearful, scary life any longer. Hold your head high and believe you deserve all the good things life has to offer and much happiness. Make it happen! [/QUOTE]
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