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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749272" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome. I will be blunt. This is your son's lifestyle. And it is anti-social. People that go to jail for multiple duis, sell (and use) drugs, crash cars, and put out cigarettes on your furniture...are not conforming to social conventions and laws. Add to this, inability to hold a job, alternative schools as a teen, always in trouble...he is on a roll. The conduct disorder you describe as a teen is the precursor for anti-social personality...if he's not there already...he'll be there quick....if he continues down this path. This sounds like he is bordering on a criminal lifestyle. And when this happens, unless he is a full blown drug addict, it's by choice. THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. IT IS HIS PROBLEM. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO AVERT THIS TRAIN WRECK. Except what you are doing. Walking away.</p><p></p><p>What is he doing in his life which would mitigate this pattern? Is he trying <em>anywhere</em>? How is he helping himself? How is he helping you?</p><p></p><p>This is an adult man. He is the one responsible to make his life. You cannot make it for him. I can't do it for my son either.</p><p></p><p>Nothing at all you are describing sounds like acute mental illness. He just sounds like he's living on the wild side, BECAUSE HE WANTS TOO.</p><p></p><p>If he chooses not to do the military, not to do Job Corps, not to get job training through ROP, not to get a job, not to avail himself of AA or NA or get alcohol treatment, not to get into sober living, not to take seriously securing the apartment, what in the world does this have to do with YOU?</p><p></p><p>I know there is pain. All of the rest of us were confused and in pain, too. I came here 4 years ago because I was on the brink of enrolling in college classes with my son to make sure he went to class and did his homework.</p><p></p><p>We love our kids. But they live their lives, not us. Nor should we have to pay a price if they live badly. Most of us over and over again try to get them back on track, try to protect, and only sometimes does it work. In cases where the kids are dead set and hell bent to go off the tracks, we end up run over.</p><p></p><p>Get out of the way. Your moving plan sounds great. You are on to a beautiful new chapter of your life. Live it. He's gotten plenty of notice. The only thing I would do is put it in writing, that the apartment will no longer be available after a specific date, if you haven't already, mail it to him certified, and keep a copy.</p><p></p><p>You are experiencing FOG: Fear, obligation and guilt. It is easily treated. Keep posting. Post as much as you can on your own and on other people's threads. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749272, member: 18958"] Welcome. I will be blunt. This is your son's lifestyle. And it is anti-social. People that go to jail for multiple duis, sell (and use) drugs, crash cars, and put out cigarettes on your furniture...are not conforming to social conventions and laws. Add to this, inability to hold a job, alternative schools as a teen, always in trouble...he is on a roll. The conduct disorder you describe as a teen is the precursor for anti-social personality...if he's not there already...he'll be there quick....if he continues down this path. This sounds like he is bordering on a criminal lifestyle. And when this happens, unless he is a full blown drug addict, it's by choice. THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. IT IS HIS PROBLEM. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO AVERT THIS TRAIN WRECK. Except what you are doing. Walking away. What is he doing in his life which would mitigate this pattern? Is he trying [I]anywhere[/I]? How is he helping himself? How is he helping you? This is an adult man. He is the one responsible to make his life. You cannot make it for him. I can't do it for my son either. Nothing at all you are describing sounds like acute mental illness. He just sounds like he's living on the wild side, BECAUSE HE WANTS TOO. If he chooses not to do the military, not to do Job Corps, not to get job training through ROP, not to get a job, not to avail himself of AA or NA or get alcohol treatment, not to get into sober living, not to take seriously securing the apartment, what in the world does this have to do with YOU? I know there is pain. All of the rest of us were confused and in pain, too. I came here 4 years ago because I was on the brink of enrolling in college classes with my son to make sure he went to class and did his homework. We love our kids. But they live their lives, not us. Nor should we have to pay a price if they live badly. Most of us over and over again try to get them back on track, try to protect, and only sometimes does it work. In cases where the kids are dead set and hell bent to go off the tracks, we end up run over. Get out of the way. Your moving plan sounds great. You are on to a beautiful new chapter of your life. Live it. He's gotten plenty of notice. The only thing I would do is put it in writing, that the apartment will no longer be available after a specific date, if you haven't already, mail it to him certified, and keep a copy. You are experiencing FOG: Fear, obligation and guilt. It is easily treated. Keep posting. Post as much as you can on your own and on other people's threads. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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