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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 749301" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry you are dealing with this. First, find local alanon family meetings. Second, block texts from your ex. Why is he bothering you anyway? He surely doesn't seem to have anything nice to say. Ex likely wants you to support son so that ex doesn't have to mess with him.</p><p></p><p>Son is going to be TERRIBLE from now until sometime after you move. Set boundaries/limits for what you will tolerate. Stick to them. This should be easier once you don't live with him. Don't EVER give son $$$. If it is for a bill, pay the place directly yourself. If it is for a coat, go buy it yourself. Son will HATE this because the money is likely not EVER for what he says it is. If he has the nerve to say "You just don't trust me!", tell him he is absolutely correct! Yes, this is part of what he will tell you.</p><p></p><p>Your son will either succeed or fail on his own. Don't go broke treating him like a helpless child. He is a full grown adult who has CHOSEN to not do anything positive with his life. Getting 3 jobs after a year in jail PROVES that he CAN get a job. If he doesn't want to, that is his problem. Let him live with the consequences of his choices.</p><p></p><p>This is one thing alanon family groups helps you learn. We ALL have choices, but we cannot make choices for others. If your son suddenly has no where to go (after MONTHS of notice), why is that your problem? You have a job and work and are providing your own roof over your head. If your son wants a roof, he can go and work to provide one.</p><p></p><p>Oh, FYI, just because he is "only" drinking beer doesn't mean he doesn't have a serious problem. Even if the beer is the 3.2% stuff. That is still enough for you to be an alcoholic on. So don't support that habit - it is killing him. If he is adult enough to buy beer and pot, he is old enough to support himself. You just have to get yourself out of his way. He will flounder because he expects you to rescue him from being homeless, hungry, whatever. Any help you give him further keeps him helpless. Stay out of the way and just give encouraging texts (I know you can do it, figure it out, whatever) or whatever. Don't let him manipulate you into providing for him.</p><p></p><p>As a grown MAN, that is HIS job - to provide for himself!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 749301, member: 1233"] I am sorry you are dealing with this. First, find local alanon family meetings. Second, block texts from your ex. Why is he bothering you anyway? He surely doesn't seem to have anything nice to say. Ex likely wants you to support son so that ex doesn't have to mess with him. Son is going to be TERRIBLE from now until sometime after you move. Set boundaries/limits for what you will tolerate. Stick to them. This should be easier once you don't live with him. Don't EVER give son $$$. If it is for a bill, pay the place directly yourself. If it is for a coat, go buy it yourself. Son will HATE this because the money is likely not EVER for what he says it is. If he has the nerve to say "You just don't trust me!", tell him he is absolutely correct! Yes, this is part of what he will tell you. Your son will either succeed or fail on his own. Don't go broke treating him like a helpless child. He is a full grown adult who has CHOSEN to not do anything positive with his life. Getting 3 jobs after a year in jail PROVES that he CAN get a job. If he doesn't want to, that is his problem. Let him live with the consequences of his choices. This is one thing alanon family groups helps you learn. We ALL have choices, but we cannot make choices for others. If your son suddenly has no where to go (after MONTHS of notice), why is that your problem? You have a job and work and are providing your own roof over your head. If your son wants a roof, he can go and work to provide one. Oh, FYI, just because he is "only" drinking beer doesn't mean he doesn't have a serious problem. Even if the beer is the 3.2% stuff. That is still enough for you to be an alcoholic on. So don't support that habit - it is killing him. If he is adult enough to buy beer and pot, he is old enough to support himself. You just have to get yourself out of his way. He will flounder because he expects you to rescue him from being homeless, hungry, whatever. Any help you give him further keeps him helpless. Stay out of the way and just give encouraging texts (I know you can do it, figure it out, whatever) or whatever. Don't let him manipulate you into providing for him. As a grown MAN, that is HIS job - to provide for himself! [/QUOTE]
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