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I'm so discouraged...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 303676" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry. It sure sounds like you, and even the counselor, are more involved in his life than he is.</p><p></p><p>It is NOT right for him to sponge off of you the way he is. He will NOT stop until such time as he is FORCED to stop. The word force brings up ideas of strength, not taking No for an answer, making something change.</p><p></p><p>In THIS situation the change may need to be His Lordship moving out of the family home. Give him a deadline, say 2 weeks or 30 days to get his stuff together and find a place to live. Do NOT let him take ANY family electronics (things he did NOT pay for with money he earned ) and verify everything he takes from the home is OK to leave. </p><p></p><p>Then you simply MUST change the locks. He may steal or copy a house key at some point if you don't. Our difficult children don't respect anything of ours so this is to be expected.</p><p></p><p>Be SURE to check with the counsellor and the police/sheriff to see if you must formally evict him or not.</p><p></p><p>Until such time as he is not living at home he will NOT face his responsibilities and choices. Why should he? You can not MAKE him do anything. ALL you can do is follow through with natural consequences. He is not a good housemate, he is an adult, and there is NO reason he should continue to live the lifestyle that YOU and husband work so hard to create for yourselves.</p><p></p><p>It really sounds like this may be the point you need to do this. It is NOT abuse of him. It is teaching him to cope with reality. Give him a list of numbers for shelters, housing assistance, food pantries, etc... If he refuses to use them you cannot help him.</p><p></p><p>You have already led the horse to water. Now you have to lead him far enough into the water of the real world to have him either drink the water, swim, or sink. </p><p></p><p>He will NOT change until you do. He may refuse to leave, which means you pack his stuff into grocery bags and put it off the property. Then you have the Sheriff escort him off the property. It may actually end up being the kindest and best thing you can do for him. Because it FORCES him to cope with the real world results of his actions.</p><p></p><p>If he spoke to a boss or landlord teh way he spoke to you and the counselor he would be fired and evicted. So far YOU are his landlord and his employer. Time to treat him like an employee who refuses to do his work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 303676, member: 1233"] I am sorry. It sure sounds like you, and even the counselor, are more involved in his life than he is. It is NOT right for him to sponge off of you the way he is. He will NOT stop until such time as he is FORCED to stop. The word force brings up ideas of strength, not taking No for an answer, making something change. In THIS situation the change may need to be His Lordship moving out of the family home. Give him a deadline, say 2 weeks or 30 days to get his stuff together and find a place to live. Do NOT let him take ANY family electronics (things he did NOT pay for with money he earned ) and verify everything he takes from the home is OK to leave. Then you simply MUST change the locks. He may steal or copy a house key at some point if you don't. Our difficult children don't respect anything of ours so this is to be expected. Be SURE to check with the counsellor and the police/sheriff to see if you must formally evict him or not. Until such time as he is not living at home he will NOT face his responsibilities and choices. Why should he? You can not MAKE him do anything. ALL you can do is follow through with natural consequences. He is not a good housemate, he is an adult, and there is NO reason he should continue to live the lifestyle that YOU and husband work so hard to create for yourselves. It really sounds like this may be the point you need to do this. It is NOT abuse of him. It is teaching him to cope with reality. Give him a list of numbers for shelters, housing assistance, food pantries, etc... If he refuses to use them you cannot help him. You have already led the horse to water. Now you have to lead him far enough into the water of the real world to have him either drink the water, swim, or sink. He will NOT change until you do. He may refuse to leave, which means you pack his stuff into grocery bags and put it off the property. Then you have the Sheriff escort him off the property. It may actually end up being the kindest and best thing you can do for him. Because it FORCES him to cope with the real world results of his actions. If he spoke to a boss or landlord teh way he spoke to you and the counselor he would be fired and evicted. So far YOU are his landlord and his employer. Time to treat him like an employee who refuses to do his work. [/QUOTE]
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